Siamese Twins

Hawaii Driving Brah

2011-12-08T00:42:00.000-08:00

Well, kids today, I am gonna tell you a nice little story and I try and relate it to life. Here's the deal. To me it seems like people are always looking for the next great adventure, always going a million miles an hour, never content to sit still. I think some of the greatest experiences in life can come while "Chillin out, maxin, relaxing all cool." Fresh Prince. Let me elaborate on this thesis. (This fall, I have been an English tutor so I know all about thesis's now. I am way more better at this whole grammar thing now.)

A lot of folks ask me about my days of living on the Hawaiian islands. They ask about the weather, beaches, and what most people think of Hawaii (which is all good.). Today we are gonna chat (well I'll chat, you listen) about one of my favorite things to do while I lived in Hawaii. While I lived their I had this sweet 1989 full loaded Honda Accord, meaning the lights flipped up and I had power windows and locks. (I loved that car, it did get stolen while I was away for Christmas break. But that is a blog for another day.)

Every now again we would go downtown (Honolulu) to see the sights, eat some food, and walk around. It was always good people watching downtown. But, that wasn't even my favorite part of going downtown. On the way back, I always loved to drive Kamehameha Highway around the north shore.

Now as you can see from this pic I stole from the Google, you can easily see the road I am talking about. Well, anyways, after an adventure down town I would always like to drive the North Shore. Now one thing you have to keep in mind, they call it a highway, but it's nothing like a highway we are used to driving on in the mainland. This is a very narrow road, and max speed is 35 MPH. (56.3 KPH for my foreign readers, I know your out there. Target market is Earth.)

OK, back to Kam highway; at night while driving down this winndy road, the ocean on your left, so close you can hear the waves break and smell the salt water. On the right side are mountains, but it's pitch black so you can't see anything. Every now again they have a few lamp posts, and an occasional passing car, but for the most part you are in your own world. And that's the beauty of it all. Looking back on my time in Hawaii, those drives were some of my favorite memories. It was a chance to escape real life, forget about school, and the day to day to do list and just enjoy a peaceful drive.

It's important for each of us to take time out of our busy lives and find our own Kam highways. A place to escape our day to day lives and reflect on how's life going, self introspection, look at what makes us happy and do more of that, think of the things that don't make us happy and do less of that, and the like.

A Sad Day For Basketball Fans

2011-11-07T21:29:00.000-08:00

Throughout each one of our lives, we all have those days that standout. Those days we can recall exactly what happened, where we were at and how we felt. 20 years ago today for me, is one of those days. I was only 11 years old, it was November 7th 1991. I remember that evening I was at home and everyone was talking about "the big news." I watch the news and heard that Magic Johnson, had HIV. I really don't know what HIV was. Friends were talking about how sad it was, one of their favorite sports stars was retiring from the game of basketball. I remember later that night playing basketball in my friends driveway and that is what we all talked about. We thought he'd pass away within a few years, because we didn't really know anything about it. Here is a clip from the news conference. This was not only huge in the sports world but in America culture.

Click Here to watch the video.

Picture Perfect (Kinda)

2011-10-29T22:47:00.000-07:00

“I always thought good photos were like good jokes. If you have to explain it, it just isn't that good.” – Anonymous

For the last couple of years, I have enjoyed taking a few pictures. Back in school for part of my Communications degree, I even took a photo journalism class. Too bad I didn’t pa
y any attention in there. It wasn't until a few years ago that I have started to get into photography. This past year, I have tried to shoot our wakeboard adventures. I have noticed it’s enjoyable to see what action you can freeze in a frame. After a day on the water it’s been enjoyable to plug my little scan disk into my computer to see what I got. I have loaded just a few of my favorites that my buddies and I shot from the 2011 summer season.

Best Way to Waste Your Time

2011-10-25T18:31:00.000-07:00

So the other day me and my buddy Andrew were in Big Bend library and homework is never done there, back in the day we'd play yahoo Internet pool waiting for class. So Andrew was about to do homework, and I was like, "wo wo, not too fast their Drew." I was like just check out this right here real fast. 15 minutes later he was hooked! Army of Darkness Defense had taken over; happens to the best of us.

Another sweet tidbit of knowledge it's free! It's sooo good you can't put a price tag on priceless.

Status Update: "I'm bored."

2011-10-23T00:45:00.000-07:00

Throughout my years of living I have developed a few pet peeves, (how did pets get thrown in with peeves, PITA should really look into that.) Well, today I am going to elaborate on one of these peeves. Many of time with high hopes of reading something clever, interesting, or perhaps seeing a funny pic of a friend in my status newsfeed I am disappointed and blasted by, “I’m bored” status updates. I think to myself, you could have written anything, and you came up with that. I no longer read that as an adjective but a noun. (Wow, look at my showcase my English skills!) I wonder when people thought that they had to be entertained around the clock. Or, when it was societies, or me your Facebook friend to save you from this state of “boredom.”

I wonder if 1,000 years ago people carved posts like this into wooden tablets. Stuff like, “Had to go to blacksmith, and then re-thatch the house… now bored.” Or, “Sword battle FTW. Now at carriage bored, epistle me plz.” Yeah, I know it sounds ridiculous. Never in the world have people had more free time on their hands, or resources at their fingertips. And how do they waste it… sitting in front of a computer screen, hoping something fun and exciting will happen on their “wall.” One thing I noticed about these habitual bored posters is it doesn’t matter the time of year, where they live; they will sour your newsfeed with “bored” posts.

So bored posters, I say, Do Better! At least pick up a hobby.

"The quack attack is back, Jack!"

2011-10-19T22:59:00.000-07:00

Wow, Bob, I am back!

Well today, I want to start with a story. Growing up one of my favorite movies was "The Mighty Ducks." I don't think I was alone, who didn't want Goldberg as their goalie and that super sweet old guy sharping their skates.

So I went out and got me a pair of some CMM hockey skates, and thought to myself, "I am gonna learn to do a hockey stop." I loved those skates, they were black and white, with fat laces. I took them out a few times, but honestly never mastered the classic "hockey stop." Rather then selling them, I kept those skates, I stored them on my shelf and i'd look at them and they'd remind me of my Jaromír Jágr (I have no idea who this Jagr is but, I remember hearing his name from Sportscenter and I was like that guy has a sweet name. Well done Jagr's parents.) skating days, but those days ended the day I went on my mission and my sister sold them at her garage sale for a few bucks.

I think my blog and those skates have some similarities, like... they're favorite color is blue and they both Tivo One Tree Hill. (I think Old School does too, but came you blame him.) LoL's, no, but you know this blog has kinda been sitting on the shelf and it's fun to look at and remember the times I wrote about The Resource Room or the Laser Light show blog. It's kind nice to look at my blog as a thing of the past, or the good ole days of my news letter.

I am gonna try to resurrect my blog. I do worry about what if I write lame post: Will the Dirty South kick me out of the Croquet club, and I will be subject to lawn darts by myself. I just don't want to put sub-pair blogs out there. So hopefully, I can get back into the blog game. I have been thinking about doing some video blogs. I just think I am missing a key demographic with this blog. HELLO, the people that can't read. Well I hope to talk to you soon.

The American Dream

2011-05-16T23:55:00.000-07:00

The Master Kong AKA Confucius once said, “Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.” But this quote came before video games so it’s a little dated.

Growing up we are all asked the question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” I think many of us have said at one time, “I want to do very little and make a lot of money.” Most of us we think this is “The American Dream.” This vague phrase has been used to motivate people to learn spelling words, earn degrees, to give acclaim to working 40 hours a week, starting your own business and countless other circumstances. I believe our forefathers and even our fifth ones too would be rolling in their graves if they knew the types of dreams Americans have.
Well today I’m not going to tell you what it should mean to you, but rather share an experience from my own personal life in hopes to give you another perspective of “The American Dream.”

My story begins a few years ago while I was a college student at Brigham Young University. (Yeah, I also wonder how they ever let me into their school too.) This was a busy time in my life; I had school, studying, and a part-time job here and there. I woke up to an alarm went to classes, all morning took a short lunch break; studied mostly pretended to study and then around 4:00 in the afternoon I would walk home. On my way home I had to pass by a Little Caesars pizzeria. Many times as I passed by this establishment there would be a kid about my age standing in front holding a sign that said, “5 dollar hot n’ready pizza.” (Perhaps you have been lucky enough to see a Little Caesars sign holder.) But, there was something else that caught my eye about this sign holder. This guy was doing job that many of us would deem, “A dead-end Job.” I don’t think too many sign holders are making their way up the corporate ladder. But, this isn’t the point. As I walked by this guy on almost on a weekday basis, he always brought his A game to the table. He was out there in the heat, the cold, Tsunami didn’t matter he was there. He always had his headphones on and for most of the time dancing to whatever beats that were thumping in his head. Many of us drove or walked by and thought to ourselves, if only he had an education or, some type of technical degree then he wouldn’t have to suffer through this humiliating job. Many may argue that Confucius statement about choosing a job you’ll love and you’ll never work a day can’t apply to him. I ask why not? If you saw the smile on his face you’d think he was paying Caesar to hold his sign for him. Hasn’t he accomplished one of highest steps in Maslow Hierarchy of Needs? Self-esteem. Being comfortable enough in his own skin to dance by himself on a busy street corner; shoot, I can’t even go to the movies by myself; in fear of what if someone sees me, and I'm by myself!

Mr. Dancing sign holder, I’ll never know his name. But, he taught me a valuable lesson, about the American Dream. We live in a free nation where we can pursue jobs, careers, hobbies, develop talents that bring us joy. This freedom to pursuit of happiness is the “The American Dream.”

It’s hard to argue that this dude isn’t loving his job.

Coaching'em Up

2011-01-10T23:25:00.000-08:00

Hey oh! We'll I am here to drop you all a little update on the life of Mitch. Well, this year, I am entering my first season as assistant coach of the Runnin' Vikes. I have been around basketball and coaching my whole life so I am now getting my first taste of what it's all about. It's been a good experience so far. Before games I get super excited and a little nervous, those same jitters that I had back when I played at Big Bend. Sitting on the bench is kinda of fun, you see the game through a totally new perspective. You are totally focused in on what is going on every little aspect of the game; no longer can I sit back with a bag of popcorn check the game out a bit and hope to get free stuff thrown to me by Thor. After games I am even a little emotionally drained. It's been a good experience and I enjoy working with guys and seeing them improve.

Well, I found my bio that is in our press-book and so I thought I'd put it in here. It makes me sound like kinda a deal, don't be fooled.

Mitch begins his first season as a member of the Runnin' Vikes Basketball staff. Mitch is no stranger to Big Bend basketball, for close to twenty years Mitch has spent numerous hours with his father and BBCC basketball. Mitch is an avid wakeboarder and can be seen regularly on the lake from spring to fall. He has a genuine love for teaching and is currently an adjunct professor at Big Bend Community College. Mitch graduated from Moses Lake High School in 1999. Mitch speaks fluent Spanish, and after graduating from high school, served a two year church mission in Argentina.

Mitch played on the BBCC 2001-02 basketball team that went 28-4, winning the Eastern Region Championship and finishing 2nd in the NWAACC Championship Tournament. After attending BBCC, Mitch transferred to Brigham Young University and eventually received his BS degree in Spanish and Communications from BYU-Hawaii. In 2007 Mitch received his MS degree in Communications from Marist University. Mitch is a very positive person who possesses as passion for teaching and has great insight into the game of basketball. We are exited to have him as a member of our coaching staff.

Wakeboard Competition

2010-08-19T11:29:00.000-07:00

(This is a pic of me at the comp doing a heelside 540)
Hello folks, I hope your summer is going great! Mine is solid. Well I have had a few adventures this summer and one of those is I was able to compete in a wakeboard competition a few weeks ago down in the Tri Cities. This was the first comp. that I have competed in so I was a little nervous, but mostly excited. There were a few different divisions; I decided to compete in the upper division “advanced.” There were 13 riders in my division; I didn’t place in the top three. Some of my friends thought I was close to placing, so I was very happy with being close. I was also very happy with how I rode and the highlight of the day is after my ride a nice young lady told me, “hey nice job out there.”

"Hello My Name is Simon, and I Like to Drawings"

2010-08-02T22:55:00.000-07:00

I wonder if these two modern day Picasso's had a draw off who would win.

Ode to Hank Gathers

2010-03-11T14:34:00.000-08:00

I have been around the game of basketball my whole life; it wasn’t till the age of 10 or 11 that I really started to enjoy watching it on television. And one team was more exciting than any to watch, that was Loyola Marymount University, coached by Paul Westhead. You may ask, “Why was this team so exciting to watch?” The reason is simple they averaged 122 points per game and had scored over 100 points 28 times (The NCAA Division Record). The 1990 team was headed by three superstars, sharp shooter Jeff Fryer, Hank Gathers, and his close childhood friend Bo Kimble. Their offense was simple score as quick as possible and full court press the whole game. The rule was “Shooters shoot the ball within four seconds” (Bo kimble). These guys could score on the best in the game at the time. Gathers dropped 48 points, shooting, 20-35 from the field, 8-11 from the line and grabbed 13 rebounds against Shaquille O'Neal’s highly ranked Louisiana State, only to lose in overtime. During that year Gather averaged 30 points 10 rebounds a game shooting a ridiculously 59 percent. Gathers and Kimble were bound for greatest in the NBA.

But, I am sad to say that this story doesn’t have a happy ending. On March 4th 1990, 20 years ago last week, tragedy struck the LMU Lions. In the 2nd round of the WEC tournament, during the first half of the game Gathers, just finished dunking the ball, as he was back peddling to the other end he fell to the floor. Coach Westhead, said, “"When [Gathers] fell down, I wanted them to get him back up. I always thought he would get back up.” Gathers, never got back up, he was pronounced dead at the young age of 23 from a heart-muscle disorder an hour later.

After his death LMU had to move and continue to play in the NCAA tournament. During each game Bo Kimble, would shoot his first free throw of each game left handed in memory of his childhood friend Hank Gathers who was left handed. LMU made it to the elite eight losing in a rematch to powerhouse UNLV 101-131. Kimble was the 8th pick in the NBA draft that summer.

Recently Kimble spoke of Gathers and the impact Gather has had 20 years later on the Dan Patrick Radio Show. Bo Kimble stated, “Being in Africa, and another continent, and then in Germany, and places I’ve traveled it’s just amazing that people just remember his legacy and what the entire team achieved like it was yesterday, and that’s the most amazing thing to me.”

“Hank Gathers somehow through his life and his death people respect and remembered him and I know he would be proud of that because he really was not just extraordinary person on the court he was an awesome person off the court. And that’s the thing I am proud people to know that he was a great person….Today, (March 4, 2010) is a celebration of his legacy.” (Bo Kimble.)

I can still even remember watching a made for TV movie, “Final Shot: The Hank Gathers Story,” as a kid.

A Lot of Bad Music Out There

2010-01-05T15:47:00.000-08:00

So the folks at Billboard voted,”HOW YOU REMIND ME” by Nickelback as the best rock song of the decade. REALLY??? Nickelback? Lately, well the past 10 years I have had a hard time listening to the radio. The same songs over and over! Listening to the radio I sometimes feel like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day, when he wakes up every morning to the tune of, "I Got You Babe." So today I am going to list a few albums that don't get much, if any airplay which I enjoy.
Death Cab for Cutie - The Open Door
Weezer – Red Album
Passion Pit – Manners
Peter Bjorn and John - Writer’s Block
Phoenix - Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix
Lot’s of Electronica music but, I like it.

"Hey Get Off the Road"

2009-10-23T21:13:00.001-07:00

Hey ten-speed biker guy! You almost got ran over today; either follow the rules of the road, or stay in your cul-de-sac. One guy from America wins that French bike race and the next thing you know, people everywhere hoppin on their Schwinn, trying to live strong.

Extreme Post for Exteme Games

2009-08-20T23:25:00.001-07:00

I am sorry for the no posting, its summer! I have been on road trips and the lake. (Enough about me.) Today, I want to blog about something near and dear to my heart. Something I grew up with, something that has shaped my life for the better, and folks if we don’t do anything about it, our children and our children’s children will miss out completely on the greatest parts of the X-games. I was way amped, (I am going to throw in some Extreme games words to help my street cred.) to watch this year’s summer X 15, but after the first day I’d seen enough. There is only so much skate, motocross, and bikes one brosef can handle. Oh how I miss the gnarly days of real extreme sports.

Dudes and dudettes, we must righteously take back our sacred extreme sports! We need to show all those wanna be, corporate sell outs, that we want our X games back; back to the good ole days! Today I am sending out a radical protest of events I want to witness again!

In-Line Skating (Vert Triples)
Yo, kids you know what's sweeter than in-line skating.... 3x the in-skating! Nothing like seeing flips and high 5's. I mean even if you don't like skating, just watching waiting for dudes to collide is intense. Yo Sal Masekela bring back some Vert triples

In-Line Down Hill
Kids we are still rollin with the skates. This next event is nuttier than an old folks home. People just racing down a hill! These kids aren't the brightest Lightbright pegs (Ex. 15 seconds into the clip watch Derek Parra.) But they lay it out on the line for the viewers at home. :43 seconds two dudes go yard sale into the straw bales, I am a little confused about two man train, but that doesn't mean it doesn't belong in the X Games.

Sky Surfing
What's better then surfing in the water? Surfing in the Sky!

Extreme Bungy-Jumping
OK, this event didn't last long but, seriously you mean to tell me you'd change the channel on a guy about to bungy-jump in a canoe?

Street Luge
If this isn't an extreme sport then I don't know what is! You have to be half crazy, half nuts, and missing the other half of your brain to do this. This is road rash at it's best. In this clip this guy takes out more hay bales than pins I can hit bowling.

Water Sports (Barefoot Jumping, Wakeboarding)
This isn't right! Water sports have been a staple of the X Games for years and now they are gone. This is like removing Granny from "Granny Smith Apples."
This is a clip of some extreme barefoot jumping...Cup check?

Sweet Moses give me back the good stuff!

"Good Advice" by Golden

2009-08-02T15:56:00.000-07:00

“Expert” advice is in no short supply these days. Talk show and radio hosts, newspaper columnists, about a billion mindless bloggers, therapists, consultants, politicians, and even ridiculous professional “life coaches,” all hawk their knock-off wisdom like cheap peddlers at a busy flea market. But good advice, well that’s entirely different, a rare and beautiful thing. So when browsing the bin of suggestions at the street bazaar of advice, it’s easy to miss the tarnished silver candelabra buried under the pile of pewter lamps. I myself nearly made the same mistake the other day.

I was hurriedly fixing my motorcycle in the back alley behind our apartment amidst the over-stuffed trash cans rotting in the heat of Washington’s swampy air. To be more precise, I was stripping the heads off weathered, rusty bolts which apparently had atomically fused with the engine block. And despite applying torque from three hundred sixty different angles, I was getting nothing but angry from my efforts, well that and loose metal shavings.

I stood up from my aching haunches, ready to kick the cursed machine over, when from behind me I heard a gentle, softly chiding voice.

“You know what that bike needs?”

I turned, wiping the sweat that pooled in reservoirs above the bristly dams of my eyebrows. I studied the drifter before me, a woman I didn’t recognize, who was loitering in our neighborhood alley with no honest intent that I could see.

“Sorry?”

“You know what your bike needs?” She offered again.

I had a few things in mind, yes, most of them violent. She didn’t wait for my frustrated response.

“My father taught me and my sister all about cars, how to fix them, how to use tools, all that stuff. We used to get so dirty lying under the car with him on the cement, oil dripping all over our faces, getting in our hair. He taught us the secret though, the secret how to fix the car, and how to fix your bike too. You want to know the secret?”

I stalled, not sure if I did. “Uh…”

Here it comes, I thought, the catch, the trick, the strings attached. She was going to ask for money.

“Don’t you want to know the secret?”

“Sure.” I surrendered, feeling the outsides of my pockets for change.

“Love.” She stated matter-of-factly. “Love will fix anything, my father’s car, family, life, everything, your bike too. Got to give it just a little bit of love.”

At that moment she appeared an angel, with a toddler’s round belly, a stained polka-dot shirt and a cigarette, but still an angel. And I had thought her a leper.

“I gotcha!” she pointed, “I melted that frown right off your face.”

I conceded with a laugh. “You did. You did indeed.”

Now that was good advice. Love. Love will fix everything. I shook my head, a little ashamed, but amazed by the simple, sound advice from this vagabond sage.

“I got another secret I want to tell you.”

It must have been my lucky day. I waited.

“You have to ask first.”

“Fine,” I laughed. “What’s the secret.”

“You know where Central Avenue is?” She could barely contain herself.

“Of course!”

I didn’t. But I didn’t want to appear undeserving of her gifted knowledge.

“Well you just go down Central Avenue and you take a left on this street, I forget what it is, and then you take a right by I think it was used to be a Days Inn, no maybe Hilton, it’s a Super 8 now. But you go in there, and you go to the front desk, and you tell them you want a room. You ask them for the very last room on the second floor on the right side…“

“Like the right wing of the hotel?”

“Yeah, I think so, the one that’s on the right side.”

“At the Super 8?”

“Yes. Get that room, the very last one, on the top. Go in through the room, and go back to the balcony and look out. That’s where you will find whatever you looking for.”

“Like what, a junkyard for motorcycles parts?”

“I ain’t telling. I told you the secret. And that’s all I am going to say. Just go get the last room on the right side on the second floor just like I says and you’ll find what you are looking for. That’s it. I ain’t going to tell you no more.”

She was grinning, like she had just told me all but the final numbers to the winning lottery ticket. There was no deceit, no guile that I could sense, only that she was enjoying teasing my curiosity.

“Seriously though, what’s out there?”

She pointed at me one more time in urgent admonition, flicked the cigarette ashes burning down to the filter, and walked off silently.

Then she turned the corner, and disappeared forever.

Days later, I continue to smile when I remember her answer to everything – love. Love indeed. But I still wonder from whence that mysterious stranger came and whither did she go. Was her advice the half-crazed ramblings of a drug addict, or the fairy-tale counsel from a wandering magus? Beyond the matter of actually finding it, I don’t know what lies out on that balcony. A black-market warehouse? My metaphysical “self”? A prostitution sting operation? The doorway to heaven?

Good advice is in short supply these days. But do I take it?

Not a Movie Star; But a Cameo Star

2009-07-03T18:37:00.000-07:00

Kids grow up with great dreams and aspirations, some being the next great Micheal Jordan, others dream of being a movie star. I am not that picky, I have to be completely honest and tell you that I have never had any dreams to be a movie star. I'd be a happy camper to just be a cameo star. "A cameo role or cameo appearance is defined as; (often shortened to just cameo) a brief appearance of a known person in a work of the performing arts, such as plays, films, video, games, and television."

In today's blog, I am going to tell you about the five cameo roles that I wish I could have played.

Number Five: "It's all ball bearings these days."
Fletch: Airfield Mechanic Guy
The scene at the airfield when Chevy Chase is talking to the two grease monkeys. I want to be the one how says at 2:38 in this clip, "I always kid him bout it, what are you doing up there? You doing some stunt flying or, something." Priceless! Oscar Worthy performance.

Number Four: "Get him a body bag Johnny, Yeeaahh!"
The Karate Kid: Tommy
The Final Fight, Johnny vs. Daniel Son. Thirty seconds in to this priceless clip Tommy is in the background cheering on Johnny at top of his lungs. I would have felt overly privileged to be cast as Tommy. I think the rest of my life I would have been known as the "body bag guy," and I don't think I would have a problem with that.

Number Three: "Relax...I'm a professional."
Ferris Bueller's Day Off: Garage Attendant, 5:20 into this movie clip, Ferris pulls the Ferrari into the garage, and asks the shady garage attendant, "Hey how ya doing? You speak English?"He then replies, "Uh, what country do you think this is?" Classic line. Through out the rest of the movie he can been driving through the streets of Chicago with the Star Wars theme playing in the background. I would have loved to be that guy.

Number Two: "Pull over...pull over"
Dumb and Dumber: The Pee Drinking Cop, at 2:40 in this scene, this mid-west scene cop asks the boys, "You...you fellas been doing a bit of boozing?" And later in the scene, he is about to take a swig from one of the bottles and he says, "you keep your mouth shut if you knew it was good for ya buddy." Then his facial expressions after drinking it is awesome.

Number One: Biggest Trouble in Little China.
Big Trouble in Little China: :33 seconds into this clip, out comes the "Chinese Pancho Villa"; and to let the Chang Sings know he means business, he tickles the ivories, and he's not playin' the piano kids. I do believe if I was able to play this role it would up my toughness status to a whole other status.

"Meet the MLK Jr. Public Library" by Golden

2009-06-23T19:18:00.000-07:00

What’s the difference between the D.C. public library and a homeless shelter? The library doesn’t serve food. That’s the impression that one gets anyhow, on the first, second, well actually every time one visits the great repository of knowledge downtown our nation’s capitol. At nearly every desk there sits a bum, “studying” a crumpled tract or an up-side down book randomly pulled from the nearest shelf, sometimes for hours. It’s a test of endurance, for no sooner than a tired head bobs to the table top, an armed, yes armed, guard abruptly appears to stir the poor soul awake and escort them from the building. A trip to the bathroom reveals a drifter bathing in the sink, or passed out in the stall, or peeing in a plugged urinal whose brimming amber sea trickles to the tiled floor, through the legs, and into the drain several feet away. Dozens of industrial quality maximum-security cameras train their android eyes on the elevators, exits, and corridors. Three alone stand sentry over the entrance to the Children’s Books section. Yet the grime and grit serve as a valuable vetting tool, weeding out the weak of mind who are less committed to the pursuit of knowledge (or free internet terminals). And who are these dedicated scholars strong, desensitized, or clinically ill enough to stomach it? Let’s meet a few of the regular faces that populate the public library.

“Tails” – If you’ve ever wondered what happened to Mr. Rogers, look no further. The spitting image of the gentle host of the popular children’s program, Tails sits at the same desk every day apparently preparing for a law suit – in Polish. He huddles over stacks of books, origin unknown, and frequently bursts into angry, unintelligible Slavic fits. Formally dressed in a third-hand suit jacket, polyester slacks, and a sheer blue button-up avec visible chest hair, he looks like he walked off the studio lot in 1974 and never bothered to change. His hair, however, has since grown out, and is tightly braided into graying pony tails, stiffly protruding from above his ears as if he’d been shot in the head with a length of rope.

“The Writer” – This deadly serious woman may very well own the table she selfishly hordes to herself, as spread out over it is her life’s work – dozens of typed manuscripts, books with scribbled margins and stuffed with papers, notebooks, and binders, all of which she guards like a nest of golden eggs, pecking at the suspected plagiarists who near her precious masterpiece. With frizzy grey hair and baggy eyes, she looks like she hasn’t slept since she started her novel forty-five years ago. She scours through her notes in a frenzy, writes a few more, then, as if greatly rushed, furiously types away on the mechanical typewriter she lugs around in a cart.

“The Diplomat” – This handsome, sharply dressed man of Middle Eastern descent sticks out at the library like a cactus in the forest. However, his appearance – the Armani suit, designer shoes, and styled yet conservative hair-do - belies the meager salary he earns as a diplomat representing his home country. He hasn’t come to the library to partake knowledge, but to impart it, for a fee. He teaches Arabic lessons to an aspiring national security wonk, and patiently, because she doesn’t seem to be getting it. I won’t fault him for, like an American, using a public space to earn money, but I will for ignoring the unwritten rule of silence. It’s hard to concentrate when a tone-deaf student hopelessly attempts to master the voiced pharyngeal fricative of Arabic.

“Man with a Rag on His Face” – There isn’t much to say about Man with a Rag on His Face other than he does just that: day in day out he’s slumped in a chair, head tilted back, with a wet rag on his face. He could be dead for all I know.

“Bones” – Bones is something of an enigma. He’s an intimidating man who looks like he’s seen it all, with thick skin physically but not figuratively. In juxtaposition to his haggard frame, he sits upright with a straight spine, elbows bent just so, holding a single blue-jacketed book perfectly in front of his brooding eyes. He has no bag, no coat, no pencil or paper, nothing from which to decipher his stone demeanor. I haven’t worked up the courage to get close enough to see what he is reading. The words of Malcom X? Shakespeare? Danielle Steele? I don’t know. Whatever it is, he never checks it out or takes it home, but insists on reading it in the library. At the same desk. At the same time. Every day. Strange. And why is he called Bones? Because he looks like he’s about to break mine every time he catches me looking at him.

These are just a few of the interesting characters, among many, who frequent the MLK Jr. Public Library. Despite the repeated interruptions, the questionable sanitary conditions, and let’s be honest, the smell, the library is a wonderful place to spend the afternoon or evening. It affords a feeling like no other. One is surrounded not by faux-intellectual college students belatedly cramming for their finals, but by real people truly committed to the pursuit of knowledge (homeless excluded). People of all types come just to learn. Some use the library’s resources to study for their GED, others English, still others homework. Poets, rappers, artists, and entrepreneurs all hunt for inspiration in the stacks and shelves. Most simply read books, quietly mouthing the words to themselves, because they want to, because they care to learn a bit more about themselves and their world through the inimitable power of books. Not the internet. Not the television. But books. If you haven’t done so in awhile, visit the public library in your neighborhood. Go to see the freaks, but stay because you want to know.

"Summer Time Girls are The Kind I like"

2009-06-03T14:47:00.001-07:00

As the wise Glenn Frey once said, "The Heat is On," beware or, this extreme summer heat is going to getcha. But, readers do not fear, today I have the medicine to combat heatstroke. A little thing called The Popsicle. Now what you kids don't know is, there are many different types of Popsicles and with the economy in shambles, it is now more important than ever to be buying the right type of Popsicles for you. Therefore let us now take a virtual tour down the frozen food section:

The O.G. Popsicle: Also known as "The Basic Two Stick"

This Popsicle has been around for ages. It's as classic as the "Trans AM." With flavors like, "the red kind," "light blue," and my favorite root beer, their is no wonder why this Popsicle is such a crowd pleaser. Another great advantage is because it has double sticks, with a square counter top this Popsicle easily goes from right into two. At times these Popsicles have hilarious jokes written on them. For example, "How did the soldier fit his tank in his house?"...The answer, "It was a fish tank." Why wouldn't you want material like that in your stash of jokes. Another great reason why this has been so successful over the years is because they are soo cheap. You can feed a small village for under 10 bucks. A must have for any family that buys Western Family.

The High Roller Popsicle: "Slow Melt Fantastic Fruity™"

Hey all you fancy pants Popsicle lovers, "This bud, I mean this Popsicle's for you." These Slow Melts tend to be a bit more flavorful then other Popsicles, but that extra flavor is gonna cost a pretty penny. But, there is a draw back to the Slow Melt; the wrapper. They use a paper wrapper and the paper taste can bleed into the sicle which makes it taste funny. Also the paper can get frozen to the Popsicle and you got a better chance of getting those dang DVD security stickers off than getting the paper off your poor freezer burned sicle. But overall the Slow Melt is a solid treat.

The Rainbow Popsicle: Soooo Super!

This mega Popsicle is not for the weak hearted. If you take a stroll through the park with a Rainbow pop, people know you mean business. Got more flavors than a packet of Macaroni. I am not even sure you can buy this at the store, I think they only sell these bad boys on the streets from a dealer (The Ice Cream Man.) The Rainbow costs a few Washingtons, but believe you me its well worth it. A nice Rainbow pop and a nap is a wonder way to spend an afternoon.

The Otter Pop: cousin to the popsicle

OK, I know that the Otter pop is not an official Popsicle, but to exclude the Otter Pop from our list would be like excluding the Drummer of Def Leppard from the list of famous one armed drummers. These are so delicious, I would even sneak into my neighbours house to have one. And sneak in I did. So many delicious flavors, grape is one of my favs, it reminds me of Dimetapp Cough Syrup which I loved as a kid. I have been known to fake sick just to get some and also, stay home from school for the day. Now there is one obvious flaw to the Otter Pop; opening it up. The first way AKA "the normal way," first: walk to the cupboard, second: get some scissors out of the cupboard, and lastly: cut the top off of the Otter Pop. Well because, I am to lazy to do it "the normal way." I have my own way, The Ozzy way. just bit the top off and enjoy. I also enjoy smashing the pop on the counter so its a little more slushy seems to be a bit more softer and taste a little better. Kids a friendly reminder: ensure that you throw away your plastic wrappers. If your mom finds too many wrappers around she'll threaten to never buy them again.

There ya go kids, I hope enjoyed the list, but more importantly I hope you enjoy a few delicious Popsicles this summer.

"Positive Reinforcement" by Golden

2009-05-09T16:57:00.000-07:00

In this cruel, competitive world, it’s difficult to maintain self-confidence when every single day you are evaluated and judged by arbitrary standards, values socially constructed for self-serving interests, ever-changing criteria over which, if you are lucky enough to even know they exist, you have no control. Conformity, etiquette, fashion, productivity, intelligence, talent, experience, beauty. There are a million different ways to be defined as deficient or defective, and there seems to be no shortage of critics. Thank God for eBay.

No, I’m not talking about Item # Z27038431867, the Wiccan Self-Confidence Earrings enchanted during the appropriate lunar phase to bestow upon their users the power of self-esteem. I had something more free in mind – eBay feedback! It’s a wonderful, yet neglected source of inspiration. Nowhere else can you can you be so highly praised for clicking a button. When I’m feeling down, I log on, sign in, and read all the nice things people have to say about me. “Great Buyer!” “Quick Payer!!!” “Outstanding Communicator!” I never tire of seeing A++++++++, no matter how inflated the grade has become. I read my buyer feedback over and over, and the uplifting effect never wears off or out. When no one else will, complete strangers accept me for who I am and tell me I’m good at something.

If you need self-confidence and a better self-image, check your buyer history on eBay. It will give you what you deserve. No constructive criticism, no tough love. Just good old fashioned positive reinforcement. And if you don’t have any? Please visit my eBay store to purchase Item # Z429967013348 – INSPIRING eBAY FEEDBACK. “Buy It Now” price is $4.99. Shipping is free.

One Crazy Trip to the Mainland

2009-05-03T18:51:00.000-07:00

Retro post 2004ish

Have you ever been sleeping and missed out on something super crazy, like sleeping while your neighbor’s house burnt down. Or, sleep through a memorable sports game? Well tonight I slept through something crazy that happened on my flight from Honolulu to Los Angeles. Let me explain, during my four hour flight, I took advantage of taking a nice long nap, as I woke up there was a certain tense vibe on the plane, we arrived in Los Angles and the captain gets on the intercom and is like, “ah just sit tight we have to take care of some business.” This is not normal protocol, and then I start hearing chatter. This is when I play detective and try to put the pieces of the puzzle together. Some people are terrible at this game. Lucky for me I just happen to be world class at this game, people have called me the Bobby Fisher of the puzzel game. Therefore, I feel the story that I have created could be actually more truthful than the actual events that transpired on this fateful night. Here is my story: O.K. while I was sleeping this lady throws a fit with this guy who is sitting by her, she is yelling at him, and what nots, really not sure why, but her kid (don’t even know the age of the kid. Never heard the age, but this story is legit remember “world class.”) was moving all around and stuff I think it had something to do with it all. So they move the other people to the front of the plane I guess. And then after me being Colombo with this story, I am just sitting there and the next thing I know is we got cops on the plane! (I was hoping for snakes, but I got cops.) The police tell us, “If you would like to tell us what you saw you can.” I thought to myself, “Oh Billy this was my chance to shine, but I was I was sleeping.” I really need to stop sleeping so much.

Kross Walking By Golden

2009-04-25T21:52:00.000-07:00

Shela is one of nature’s meanest creatures. She’s more aggressive than an African buffalo, known to charge a tree headlong just for looking at it sideways. She’s more ferocious than a badger, which when once it sinks its teeth into your flesh it won’t let go until you’re dead. And with twice the memory of elephant, she won’t forget a trespass on her territory, not tomorrow, not the next day, not forever. Yes, Shela might kill you in your sleep on Christmas, but she’s one hell of a crossing guard.

Cornered by an abandoned KFC, a liquor store, a bus stop that moonlights as a crackhouse, and a level-seven armored gas station, you might not think that such a derelict intersection as New York Avenue and North Capitol Streets would warrant the services of a crossing guard who was once in the employ of Mordor. However, location means nothing to Shela, she has a job to do, to protect the lives of pedestrians, all two of us, by disciplining sixteen city lanes of complete and utter chaos – chaos that often exceeds 50 mph. And quite the job she does. Shela could bring order to an asteroid field if the District asked her to.

Wearing enough neon to light a small city, Shela steps into oncoming traffic emboldened by the insanity of a rabid alley cat protecting her kittens. Except she probably hasn’t had young lings for thirty years. And she probably ate them. One thick arm lifts as if to part the Red Sea, the other raises a cold, metal whistle to vibrant lips. And then it happens. A deafening, disorienting alarm shrieks from the hollow belly of the whistle, rupturing the membranes of your inner ear. I’m never quite sure if the ground actually vibrates underfoot, or if it’s just the lobes rattling in my skull. It’s enough to stop a cement truck at full bore dead in its track.

I once made the mistake of stepping off the curb two seconds too early.

“You get back on that sidewalk,” was the command. If only God spoke in a voice like that. I looked down and averted eye contact, scared by the authority it possessed.

Just then a rusty Saturn attempted to dart like a deer across the intersection through the tail end of a yellow light in direct violation of Shela’s orders.

I don’t know why the driver thought he could slip by when her back was turned.

Shela exploded.

The whistle rang out like a bank alarm as she jumped in the path of the car, both palms nearly on the hood. It stopped, cornered, there was nowhere to go. The driver fidgeted.

“I. TOLD. YOU. TO. STOP! Did I say you could go? No! And you went on ahead through, didn’t you?”

It was like a public spanking at the mall. I was waiting for the belt to come off for a real whoopin’. So was the rest of the traffic, blocked by the butt of the car still sitting in the intersection. Everyone watching cringed. It was an awkward moment, but the lessoned was learned by all. Don’t ever cross Shela.

She regained composure, added “You do that again blue and I’m taking your license down,” before waving the driver through. Another whistle commenced traffic. Life thawed and began to move again as she waddled back over to the curb.

With surprising affection, she said to me. “You going to get yourself killed. These drivers don’t care about nobody but themselves. Next time you stand on that sidewalk until I say. Okay, baby?”

I nodded silently, stiffly. I’ll do whatever you tell me to, lady.

The countdown for pedestrian crossing was already blinking down, but I waited for her permission.

Shela barked, “If you going to cross you better run before that clock runs out.” All the love had vanished.

I sprinted across the street, tail between my legs.

Yes, Shela truly is the meanest of nature’s creatures. She’s fierce, and raw, and scary enough to straighten the Mansons. But she’s the finest employee of the District of Columbia, and that intersection is the new model for orderly conduct. And I’m glad to have her on my block.

School in Summer...Oh What!

2009-04-24T13:08:00.000-07:00

(My new Summer Look.)
Well this summer I may be doing a little teaching. So I am thinking, I just can't wear my winter sweaters and what nots! So I am going to rock a few shirts like shown in the example above.

Road Trippin All Over the World

2009-04-17T15:09:00.000-07:00

Retro Post from Rob to the Bob (Edited by Mitch)

As the weather warms up and the passes and roads clear up its road trip season! There are many important factors and ingredients that make up a magical trip which we shall now discuss in this blog.

Picking your RTC (Road Trip Crew) is the foundation to a quality trip. There are several kinds of people that you’ll want for your excursion. You need at least four people with an array of qualities to bring to the table. Key Note: Stay away from the Nono’s (I believe Rob to the Bob refers to boring lame people as Nono’s.)

The Dork – This guy/gal probably not the coolest kid in the world, nor in the back seat of the car. They could have been home schooled and probably went to band camp, but their comments and reactions to things will for sure make everyone die laughing.

The Bouncing Idiot – This is someone who embarrasses you whenever you’re seen in public because they are out of control. Ensure that they are well medicated especially if traveling through the Mid-West.

The Carlton Banks - This person has $ to finance expenses; you are probably going to want to try and take their car too, generally it is the nicest.

The MacGyver - This person is somewhat of the travel guide; knows of cool stuff to see. You blow a tire, need some ole this is your man for the job. They also will keep you from getting lost.

The Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith – (The veteran road tripper) This is the guy/gal who makes the final decisions on what is going on. Any disputes he puts them to rest. He knows what’s up and usually is always down for going anywhere, chill and will be fun.

The Handsome Rob (from the Italian Job)-This person will assure getting some hook-ups with the opposite sex. The whole trip they are looking for ways to hook up.

A few Nono’s: (People to watch out for.)

Whiners - They complain too much and freak out when you are go to do something fun and ruin everything.

Honor student - They usually have to be back in time for a test/work and cut the trip short. Rather than join in the conversation, or stare out the window looking at the beautiful countryside; they are doing their calculus homework.

A Few Guidelines To Remember:

1. A Reliable ride - Find something fun, preferably new, and make sure there is leg room.

2. Destination - It’s all about the journey kids.

3. Spontaneity - Yes, planning can be fun, but it’s always cool when someone says, “yeah, we were bored so we decided to head to blah blah blah for the weekend to watch some Professional Wrestling.” Or, another All-American event, especially when it happens to be like two states away.

4. Random stops - Po dunk towns have some crazy people like Cousin Eddy. Stop at old towns and avoid chain fast foods and restaurants.

5. Good music - Make some phat mixes or bring some chill road trip music, like classic rock such as Tom Petty, or the early 90’s hip hop is fun. Just stuff everyone likes and can sing along to.

OK kids, I think Rob to the Bob has given us all a few pearls on how to have a killer road trip! Enjoy the 09’ road trip season and remember BUCKLE UP!

A Good Solid Joke

2009-04-13T00:18:00.001-07:00

Here is a wonderful joke you can tell everyone you see:

What do you call a guy with no left leg or left arm? Alright.

A story I Wrote About a Friend Named Buddy

2009-04-12T23:25:00.000-07:00

With some good illustrations this could be made into a great story for the kids.

In a land far, far, far away, their lived a run of the mill train named Buddy. He was a happy-go-lucky train; in his earlier years he thought he was one pretty cool train but then reality set in. Well, Buddy never liked work much but, with a few complaints now and then he would go about pulling his load to and fro, always insuring to have fun along the way. Buddy would finish work as soon as possible so he could go out and party with the other trains. One night Buddy and his train friends went to a little dance down at the station to scope out a few lady trains. While doing some electric slide dancing, he saw this fine looking lady train and he thought to himself, “that's a train I want to burn some coal with.” (If you know what he’s saying.) She had a nice paint job and all the top of the line parts. So our dear friend buddy wanted to smoothly walk up to this train and mustard up all his confidence and say, “How you doing you fine little train?” Well not in those words, but he knew to bag a train like this he was going to have to work a little magic. But our great dilemma is Buddy didn’t have much magic. Buddy is still learning how to pull rabbits out of hats, which we all know is basic magic. In school Buddy learned about that one train, the one that said "I think I can, I think I can" yeah that train. So he was pumped up, kind of like, back in 91’ when he was rocking a nice pair of these Reebok’s! With the help from Buddy friends, that honestly weren’t much brighter than Buddy, they came up with a plan of asking this little train - you know, the one with the nice caboose - if she wanted to go out for a night on the tracks. Buddy sees this little train and makes a bee line right to her nervous, and perhaps trembling, maybe wishing that he would have just stayed home. But he didn’t, he was there she was there, this was his date with destiny, but that wasn’t her name actually. He made is approach, said “Hi.” Then he brought out the big guns and said, "Hey wanna go on a date?" Then came her reply, "I am dating another train." Buddy's hopes were slammed! Walking back to his friends, his head down failure in his eyes, Buddy now had a pretty good idea how ole Billy Buckner felt when he let the ball go through his legs. Poor Buddy, I guess, Buddy is much like a drifter he was born to walk alone.

Oh yeah, that story about the “I think I can, I think I can” train, yeah that one, it’s full of crap! This is now the best story on the train.

Five Must Watch Shows!!!

2009-04-10T17:59:00.000-07:00

The Fab Five Must Have's For the DVR!

Number Five:

Number Four:

Number Three:

Number Two:

Number One:

Chatting with a Hero

2009-04-07T21:18:00.000-07:00

Facebook is such an interesting place, at the touch of your fingers you can communicate with people from all over the world. Tonight, I had a chatted with one of my hero's growing up. His name is Dean Lavelle, he was a pioneer in the sport of wakeboarding. For a basketball fan this would be like talking with someone like John Stockton. I just want to share a little of our chat just to show you how cool so many people are in the sport of wakeboarding. (A few years ago I got to meet and ride with Shaun Murray and he was such a nice guy, you'd never know he was one of the best at his sport in the world, so humble.) It makes me happy to be apart of the sport.

Here is a little from me and Dean's chat:

Me: Hey I know you don't know me from a hole in the wall but your part in hit it was awesome and made me really want to start wakeboarding 12 yrs ago!

Dean: hahaha cool thanks

Me: hey thanks for saying hi, its always neat to talk to some one you looked up to from day one

Dean: haha cool thanks man it makes me smile to hear the stories

Half Man, Half Genius, Half Way Cool

2009-04-06T21:30:00.001-07:00

If I were a betting man I would be a rich man today. Well, this year I hosted a little NCAA Final Four pool. Everyone fills out a bracket and who ever "guesses" the most right wins. Well I had 33 people join my pool this year, and for most of you it is no surprise that I came out on top. I am always way good at this whole "guessing" thing when it comes to the Final Four. I think I am going to save up all the money I make from now until next March and then put it all on my bracket. Great idea I know.

P.S. There is nothing lie bragging after you win the Final Four Pool.

Christmas in April (kind of)

2009-04-05T22:04:00.000-07:00

For many of you and many kids around the world, your favorite day of the year has to be Christmas morning. The joy of walking down the stairs to see what Santa has in store for you. Well, my favorite day of the year this year just happened to be Saturday! It was my first wakeboard run of the year! The air temp was a scorching 65 and the water temp was a cool 46. I was dressed in my Dry suit and gloves, you could have mistaken me for some crazy dude up on a crab boat, but it was well worth it! Oh it was a wonderful time to spend a few hours out on the water again!

Comic of the Week

2009-03-22T23:29:00.000-07:00

BYU Always Screwin With My Bracket

2009-03-19T16:03:00.000-07:00

So I have been filling out Final Four brackets since the days of the legendary Laettner shot. Every year I put BYU into the 2nd round, I guess I feel a sense of loyalty, because I went to school there, I even went to a few basketball camps in my hayday. And every year they loose!!! And every year it messes with my bracket! So I am putting a 5 year ban on BYU. For the next five years I will not put them past the first round! No matter what!

Weekend Recap

2009-03-17T15:45:00.000-07:00

This past week I have been deathly ill, well maybe not deathly, but it was rough, I was just waiting for <-- this guy to show up in my room and say "The Pit of Despair! Don't even think... [clears throat] ... don't even think about trying to escape."

“From that day on, if I was ever going somewhere, I was running!” Forest Gump.

2009-03-14T02:19:00.000-07:00

“Sometimes I would have to run those sheep for two or three days. It took a long time, but I’d catch them. I believe I can run this race; it’s only two more days. Five days. I’ve run sheep for three” Cliff Young.

What comes to mind when you hear marathon? Or, Ultra Marathon? For me, Hell on earth. In the land down under, Australia had a race called the Westfield Sydney to Melbourne Ultra Marathon. The who’s who of runners attended this grueling race in hopes to prove to everyone they were best long distance runner; and by long distance I mean 875 kilometres (544 miles)!!! Most runners hoped to finish the race in a weeks time. Sweet Moses, count me out!

Well after months of preparation, the excited runners showed up in their fancy running gear, top of line shoes, well equipped to begin this exhausting trek. Within the group of runners there was one that didn’t fit the mold of the other 150 runners. By the looks of this old codger everyone thought he was just a spectator. He didn’t have fancy running shorts, rather a pair of work overalls. His running shoes were not Nike Air, but Gumboots. And while most runners were in the prime of their life, Cliff Young was at the rip old age of 61. Folks thought that this was nothing more than a publicity stunt gone wrong.

Cliff had never ran a race in life and wanted to try his luck with Ultra Marathon. For the better part of Cliff’s life he herded sheep about 2,000 of them. His farm did not have any horses or fancy four-wheelers, so Cliff would have to play the part of being the sheep dog and round up the sheep.

The officials at the race almost didn’t let him run, he didn’t have any backers (sponsors) and they told him, "You're crazy, there's no way you can finish this race." But he explained to them. “I believe I can run this race; it’s only two more days. Five days. I’ve run sheep for three.” So for whatever reason they let Cliff run. As the race begun, the runners left Cliff sucking on their dust. Spectators even smirked because he didn’t even run properly. Rather he appeared to run leisurely, shuffling like an amateur; this style of running became known as the “Young shuffle.”

Almost all of the professional runners trained to run 18 hours a day and sleep for the remaining six. Cliff had his own agenda, he just ran all through the night. As the morning of the second day came, everyone was surprised. Not only was Cliff still in the race, he had continued jogging all night. As the days went on Cliff came a little closer and closer to the world class runners. And on the fifth and final night of his race, he had surpassed all of the other athletes. (I remember a story similar about a Tortoise and the Hare.) He was the first competitor to cross the finish line with a record setting time of five days, 15 hours and four minutes setting a new course record. Cliff received $10,000 dollars for winning the race, but didn’t keep a cent for himself. He gave five other runners $2,000 each, which further endeared him to all of Australia. For the next 20 years of his life Cliff continued to be an inspiration to all, he past away on November 2^nd 2003 at the age of 81.

What a wonderful story! So many life lessons to learn from this humble farmer.

Top Jobs Part Due

2009-03-12T14:25:00.000-07:00

OK kids, let's keep this crazy train rolling. But, all this talk about work is making me tired I am gonna need a vacation after these posts.

Number 5
Travel Writer guy. Guys, like Don George actually do this for a living. Yeah, at first I was a little skeptical of this George guy, because it has been my experience that you can never trust anyone with two first names. I would love to not really have a house go around and write about stuff I do. Just be on vacation every day, see the sites and then write about them.

Number 4
Wakeboard Instructor. If there is one thing I enjoy is teaching, and what better subject to teach than wakeboarding. I once went to The Wakeboard Camp, while I was there I met the owner if the camp, P.J. Marks. I said, someday I want to be like that guy, just party everyday. Teach kids how to wakeboard and be out on the water drinking a few squeezits.

Number 3
T-Shirt shooter guy. At professional sporting events there are those who go to watch the game and there are those who live for the free stuff. I would love to wear those Ghost Busters pack and shoot stuff out to those folks in the crowd (I think I would try to hit people who were looking). I would get great seats to every home game!

Number 2
Medical Ginny pig. I feel it is my duty to do my duty to improve medicine. I think we all know that I won't be discovering any cures so why not donate myself to the cause. I'll take some pills, not sleep, do what I have to do for the cause and even get paid for it.

Number 1
"Carnies. Circus folk, Nomads, you know. Smell like cabbage. Small hands. " (Austin Powers.) Working at a carnival is like working at Disneyland with out a dress code. Who wouldn't want to travel through small town America every summer, exploring every Wal*Mart invented. I would want to operate the Zipper ride. It is best ride ever and you know when the hot ladies came to ride, I would be, "oh you're kind of fly I'll let you ride a few times for free." And you know I would rock a mesh tank top everywhere I went.

This Has Too End

2009-03-06T23:22:00.000-08:00

OK folks, this picture has been taking over Facebook; it needs to stop. The first person who did it was actually clever, yeah, that guy he is OK. But the rest of you are all beating a dead horse. Stop it!

Top 10 Dream Jobs

2009-02-26T23:51:00.000-08:00

I'll be the first to say, I like my job. Maybe someday I'll tell you kids know what I do, but I fear if I did you'd all come and try to steal my job. So maybe once I retire or get fired what ever comes first, I will then tell you what I do. But, I was thinking, what would be the sweetest job in the world. I know you are all thinking, Superstar, Sports Star, etc. But today we aren't going to go their, we are going to find the top ten real dream jobs. Perhaps some of these jobs you never heard of before.
(Part One.)
Number 10
Watcher of Paint Dry. Oh yes, you can actually get paid to do it. Keith Jackson AKA Mr. Excitement, has done it for more then 30 years. Talk about talent, I am sure you can't teach talent like this, it's either you're born with it, or you aren't. I got a feeling I was born to watch paint dry. I think I would be a wonderful side kick to Mr. Jackson. "Oh Mr. Jackson, this one is dry...Syke! Gotcha again!" Yeah I don't think I'd last too long at that job.

Number 9
Fortune Cookie Writer. Don't believe me, just ask my homeboy Donald Lau, well he isn't my homeboy yet. Oh, how I would love to write these little messages. I would probably write stuff like, "That shirt you were makes you look fat." or, "I know what you did at band camp." I think I would have to have a hidden camera to see their reactions as they open them up. I would just laugh all day in the back of the restaurant.

Number 8
A Rodeo Clown. Getty up, Flint Rasmussen, legendary rodeo clown was entertaining the country folk for years. These crazy clowns make a couple hundred dollars a show! I think I could do this, alls I need to do is learn how to ride a horse. I am sure I could give those rodeo gals a few pointers on how to barrel race. Hey Oh!

Number 7
Forest Fire Lookout Person. That's right, sit up in a little tower and make sure crazy boy scouts don't start any fires. I have had some easy summer jobs but, the ole Forest Fire Lookout Person had to one up me. You think it's simple, but if its so simple why did Les Joslin have to write a book about it. Give me a Gameboy and some beef jerky, and I'll be set for the summer.

Number 6
Karate Board Holder Guy. How sweet would it be to hold the boards for dudes like this guy. Of course I would never try to break them, just hold them. Maybe if a guy came on stage and thought he was a bad A, I would bam bozzel him and move the board at the last second and he would totally whiff. I would say, "smooth move Exlax." Or, I would talk trash, "This board is gonna hurt so bad!" But, if I liked the guy I would say stuff like, "Oh man are you related to Chuck Norris?!" Or, "Dude you showed that board who's the boss! Not Tony Danza, but you!" Something real corney like that.

Well kids: Numbers Five to One will come laters.

Here's a Little Story I Got to Tell

2009-02-23T21:06:00.000-08:00

(Me and Elder Flake, that was my Portugues sign I wore, even though I spoke Espanol.)

Story Time - Back when Fred Flinstone worked for the angry Mr. Slate at the stone quarry, I went on a two year Mission Trip for the LDS Church in Southern Argentina, but before I arrived in Argentina I spent two months in the MTC, it's kind of like boot camp but, we didn't get to shoot guns. While I was there I was able to meet a lot of wonderful people; one of these was Elder Flake AKA Heb-Dogg. Many missionaries talk about as they enter the MTC they leave the real world and enter in a bubble, because their is no TV, Radio's, Newspapers, or really any connection with the outside world. Well for my main man Heb-Dogg as he entered into the MTC he actually entered into the world, greatly in part because of me. We were a good duo he taught me stuff from the Bible and I taught him about the world outside of his small Utah village.

Well after our two month stay at the MTC we both embarked on our journey to Argeland. For a year I heard very little of Elder Flake, other missionaries told me, "that guy doesn't stop smiling, he reminds me of those guys in the Called to Serve (Skip to 2:54 seconds.) video who wave at everyone." Well one year into my mission I was transferred to the gem of the mission a little place called San Martin De Los Andes and to my surprise Elder Flake was also being transferred into that same town. There were two sets of missionaries assigned to San Martin, Elder Flake and his Companion, who worked in town. My Companion and myself worked in the neighborhoods a little out of town. Within the district I was assigned as the district leader to over see a few areas; looking over the other Elders ensuring that everything was good.

I loved this area, the people there were amazing and I loved working in my area. Some members of the church even called the local radio station on my birthday and wished me a happy birthday. Because everyone down there listens to the radio all day, I was kind of a legend for a day. We'll the mission experience for the in town Elders area wasn't as wonderful as ours. I remember on occasion I would ask Elder Flakes companion, "Hey how are things going in your area?" His reply was something like, "Oh, this area is tough, it's beautiful, but people don't talk to us, we aren't teaching very many people and we have to climb hills all day." I would then ask Elder Flake that same question, "how are things going?" He would say with a smile, "You Know Elder things are going pretty good, we only have a few people to teach but, will find some more." His response was much more positive then his companions. I later asked myself, "how can two people have such a different outlook on their circumstance; when essentially they are experiences pretty much the same things each day?" I found the answer!!! One word, PERSPECTIVE. Our perspective determines our circumstance. A wise man once said, "I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it." There will always be things to complain about, things that will annoy us, but it is our choice if we are going to focus on those things.

Rob to the Bob Clogging Up My Inbox

2009-02-23T12:36:00.000-08:00

Hey Kids, do you have that one friend/relative that loves to forward you stuff? They always think that their forwards aren’t spam, but rather are the sweetest webjunk ever. Here is what I got today.

"I Just Wish You Weren't a Liar

2009-02-13T19:44:00.000-08:00

Let's all be honest, right now it is hard to be a sports fan, a bunch of over paid athletes who have been cheating and lying to us for the past 10 years. Some of my favorite players to watch growing up, I am now finding out that they are lairs and cheaters. It brings me back to the day when I found out about Saint Nick, The Tooth Fairy, The A-Team, and The Easter Bunny. Many may argue that steroids never really impacted their performance that much. That is not what I am fired up about, what I am mad about is they knew the rules, they broke them and then lied about it! But, today I don't want to share the countless sad stories of drugs use in America, I leave that to Intervention. Today I want to tell the story of J.P. Hayes

Click Here for story of J.P. Hayes.

What a wonderful story! During a Professional tournament to qualify for the PGA, Hayes used a ball that was not approved by the PGA, Hayes explained, "It was a Titleist prototype, and somehow it had gotten into my bag." That night after playing, he turned himself in and was kicked out of the rest of the Tourney! He could have finished in the top 2o, made some "Straight cash Homey (Randy Moss), and maybe got back on the PGA." No one would have ever found out about it. He had to know that by turning himself in that they were going to disqualify him, which they did, but he did it anyway. It would have been very easy for him to say to himself, "This isn't a big deal, I have a wonderful chance here to keep playing, I didn't do it on purpose, I just won't do it again." But he didn't. He told the PGA of what had happened, because it was the right. Since this incident he has already been invited to play in five PGA tournments this year.

We need less of these guys out there, and more guys like J.P. Hayes.

"Sounds like a Dare Har."

2009-02-13T14:06:00.000-08:00

The first five...

The first people to leave a comment on this blog will receive something made by me.

However there are some limitations

1. I make no guarantee that you will like what I make.

2. What I create will be just for you.

3. It will be done this year. (might take a while)

4. You have not clue what it is going to be, poetry, shoes, bags or a little invention of my own. I may bake something and mail it you . Who knows? Not you that's for sure!

5. I reserve the right to do something extremely strange. It may blow your mind!

Here the catch, if you choose to do this. You must post this on your blog and be ready to make something for five people too. This will be fun! When you receive the fabulous item I make you, you must post a picture of it on your blog.

Can't live too far away cuz I ain't paying a bunch for shipping.

Spitz Sunflow Seeds and Twilight

2009-02-05T22:40:00.000-08:00

As I sit here and blog while I eat my Dill Pickle flavored Spitz, I am reflecting on the many people who have asked me, "hey can I have some of your seeds?" I always reply, "they're dill pickled flavored." (It's a warning, these aren't normal seeds.) I will get one of two responses; the first is, "Oh man those are sooo gross, how can you eat those!" The other is much different, "oh sweet, those are my favorite, I love them." I never knew they were such a polarizing seed. I have come to find they are much like those silly Vampire Books; people either hate or love them.

My Baseball Card Collection

2009-02-04T13:57:00.000-08:00

I have tons and tons of baseball, basketball, football, and even a few hockey cards. I don't even want to know the amount of money I have spent on cards. But it was a wonderful hobby growing up. My of my friends would collect a certain player's cards. I collected Wade Boggs for some reason, I never saw him play I just said one day, "I am gonna collect that guy." So I did, now I have probably over 300 cards of just him.

I have a few rookie cards that used to worth a little money Sir Charles and the like, who knows how much they are worth today. But, one my favorite card isn't worth all that much, but it's a sweet card. I even think I have five or so of them. It's a 1990 Score card. (In pic below.)

Bo Jackson

The Cooking Show With Mitchell Mark

2009-02-02T23:58:00.000-08:00

OK kids, when you’re as busy as me, well maybe not soo busy but, you’re not well skilled in the cooking field, and find cooking boring you may agree that the microwave is one of the greatest inventions. (Fun Fact, the Microwave was invented in the late 1970’s. We got our first one in the late 80’s.) Today I am going to make a little cooking show blog about some of my favorite dishes made via the Microwave.

The Classic Quesadilla: I learned how to make this dish at an early age; I loved them then and love them now. It’s soo simple. A little bit of cheese, a tortilla and 45 seconds in a microwave and bam! You got a masters piece. You can also throw some Pico de Gallo on there, or some chips on there and its like a double decker quesadilla. (If Taco Bell sees that I know they are going to steal my idea.)

The Hot Pocket: OK, don’t want to steal Jim’s material so click Here to watch.

Easy Mac: You see, the guys at Mac N’ Cheese, knew there was a target market out there for people like me. You see when Mac N’ Cheese was invented it was thought of as a very simple dish. But as time has evolved, that same dish is now perceived as very complicated. I mean I don’t have butter, how much milk? or Boiling water; this is all very complex. Therefore they said, “ok we gotta cut all that out.” And they did, and today we have Easy Mac!

Microwave Popcorn: I have gone to a few parties and have actually seen people cook popcorn out of a popcorn shooting dispenser. It’s crazy; I don’t even understand how it works. They turn this machine on and all the sudden popcorn is shooting out everywhere. If it wasn’t for microwave popcorn, I wouldn’t have the slightest clue how to make it. They sell small bags now which are nice cuz you can never finish the big bag.

Microwave Burrito: I am pretty much pro at making these. Now if a rookie wants to nuke a burrito the same thing happens over and over, it’s tragic it’s like watching that guy snowboard for the first time; half way down the mountain he goes yard sale, he's got gloves, goggles, and his hat all over the mountain side. You see for rookies it’s always too hot at the ends and the center is too cold. OK here is how you do it so it’s nice and warm throughout the burrito. Put it in for 30 seconds; this will melt it a bit, especially if it is frozen. Take out the burrito and flip it over and cut open the middle then put it in 45 seconds. Take out and enjoy a tasty warm burrito.

Cup of Noodle: It so easy! What is nice about this is if you use a plastic fork, no dishes! Yeah tell me about, preaching to the choir. A key though is never fill the water all the way up to the top or you’re gonna have a mess in the microwave. I also never cook them as long as they say you should just doesn’t taste right; I think it’s all too soggy.

Only Way to Bag a Classy Lady is to Give Her Two Tickets to the Boat Show!

2009-02-01T00:28:00.000-08:00

Everyone is constitanlty looking forward to stuff, for example around the world Kids look forward to the last day of school. People with jobs look forward to payday. Missionaries look forward to going home. Old people look forward to not dying; and I look forward to the to the Annual Seattle Boat Show.

The Boat show is a wonderful place for boater enthusiast to gather in one place to share in this enthusiasm. Because I love this place soo much I went twice. (acutally, a buddy talked me into going a 2nd time.) I had a wonderful time walking around looking at different boats and listening to different salesman tell me why I need to buy their boat. One highlight of the trip was when my friend Palmer and I were walking through looking at the different Yachts, we even got to go and walk inside them to see how millionaries live on the open seas. As we were leaving a cocky salesman we'll call Joe Cool, looking sharp in his blue blaser, asked my friend, "so what do you think of my boat?" The tone inwhich he said he wanted my friend Palmer to tell him how great it was. He also wanted to look good in this situtation, because this cute gal standing by him who was his co-worker was listening in. Well my friend replies, "ah its ok...Nothing special, plus didn't like the color." When Joe Cool heard this, he was devistated. He was shocked! He then Replies, "You know we can change the color for you." Then my friend tells him, "It doesn't even have a helipcopter pad." He then explains, "well you know we could probably add that option on for you." At this point he says :ok whatever cya." The cute co-worker kind of smiled as we walked away. I felt bad for the guy, poor Joe Cool was seeking valadation for his fancy boat and alls he got was some flack from us.

This year I was very happy to score a sweet deal on a new board here is a sweet pic of it!

OK, enough stories it's time to hand out some boating Awards.

Award for the bluest boat and the most flags:
Goes to this Jem:

Award for Sweetest Boat
Goes to the Air Natique 230:

Award for Best Boat in the World:
Goes to this Green Machine:

Award for Sweetest Interior of a Boat:
Goes to the Master Craft X-Star:

You Pickin up on what I'm Puting Down

2009-01-19T17:56:00.000-08:00

"Guys, Ok this is what we do; we rent a air balloon. We go over BYU and UVSC in this air balloon and scatter thousands of little papers over these campuses with our contact information."

Today I am going to teach you kids on how to laso that special someone, he or she maybe in your class, works near your cubical, or you may see them in the line at wally world. You maybe asking yourself "why should I listen to mitch?" I am kind of like "The Wizard" I got mad game.

Well I have heard of many sweet ways to find a significant other; one of my favorite ideas was from Rob to the Bob. As we were driving the streets of Provo UT., he says, "hey guys today in class I came up with an idea." Now anytime you hear that Rob to the Bob has an idea you're going to want to listen up. He's told me about his ideas of haunted houses, musical urinal cakes, and a few other duseys. So, when I heard this, I knew I was in for a treat. He then explained his way to meet some ladies. He explains to us with an excited tone, probably like when Edison told people about the light bulb; "Guys, OK this is what we do; we rent a air balloon. (I believe he had already looked into renting a air balloon.) We go over BYU and UVSC in this air balloon and scatter thousands of little papers over these campuses with our contact information." Needless to say we never got a air balloon, but we all had a good laugh. In today's post I'll explain to you a few of my personal favorite ways to lure in that special Philly.

The Where/Major/year/School line. It seems to me that at school when you meet someone you have to ask the four basic questions before you can have a conversation. These questions are where are you from?, what is your major?, what year are you in school?, and what school do you go?. So I created a way to ask all these questions within 8 seconds; which is the same time you need to ride a bull successfully. So approach that person and quickly say, "Where you from, What school do you go to, your Major, and year in school, you go first." It's straight business time. This one has worked they usually laugh because they have been asked those questions time and time again.

Area Code Line. Here is another "quick to the point to the point no fakin." approach them with you phone out; and state the area code you are in; for example if you are in Eastern Washington with a area code of 509, you say, "OK 509 ready." Look like your waiting for them to give you the rest of their number. This one has a big failure rate, but that doesn't mean it's not sweet.

Scavenger Hunt Strategy. OK if you are new to campus and want to meet people, you could try knocking on someone door and asking if sally lives there. But that is way lame and they'll know what you are up too real fast. So this is what you do. Make a list of random things. Cross about 40 percent of them off, with different types of colored pins. Go around door to door ask people if they have those items. Many times you can get a solid foot in the door this way. You can also explain to them, that you are their new home teachers. This is very risky and highly unethical.

OK this last one is amazing. Even though I am 0-2 with this operation doesn't mean it can't work for you. I call it The Matrix. OK for this one is highly dangerous and takes a lot of skills in the sneakiness department. Once you have eyed that special someone sneakingly walk by them and stash your phone in their purse, or something close to them. After it is planted run like the guy on twister(Start the clip at 5:45)! Once you have accomplished the first step the next step is to call it. BAM! Already talking on the phone, nice. This can be tricky, because I once almost didn't get my phone back and it took me three days to even get it back. But it's pretty fun.

Kids, I am giving you pearls here.

A List of Annoying Things

2009-01-15T19:09:00.000-08:00

Here are things that would not bother me if I never had to see them again.

The arm locking basketball unity bench hold.

These infomercials turning you old scrap gold in for some hard cash, AKA Mr. T's retirement plan.

Bob Saget: What a Bob.

The Typical Silly Sports Movie:
Plot; new coach comes to town. Team starts out terrible, something dramatic happens. Everyone on the team get's along, then they become awesome after a spectacular play. Team wins in the end; we all learn a life lesson about teamwork. STOP MAKING THIS MOVIE!

Jet Skiers: So annoying! They cut you off and did you know: "The personal watercraft is the only vessel where the leading cause of fatality is not drowning." Lot of bad drivers out there.

Bill Walton zany basketball comentator with lines like: "John Stockton is one of the true marvels, not just of basketball, or in America, but in the history of Western Civilization!"

When is this show going to end?! Sweet Moses.

This band makes being def not such a bad thing.

Grocery Store Grazing

2009-01-12T20:58:00.000-08:00

I consider myself a pretty good grocery shopper, I find the deals, I'll buy 15 snack packs to get two free. But, I am sad to say growing up I did dishonest things, like sneaking Mountain Dews (Expenses pop) into my Safeway Select (Generic pop) 24 pack to save three bucks.

Well, today I would like to talk about my grazing habits. As I walk around the store and go by the gummy candy bins you fill personally in a bag; I take a few to eat as I do my shopping. It is much like the Costco free samples, it just doesn't have the nice old Costco lady with the hair net standing by it. When I am shopping with my mom she gets all fired up exclaming, "You better pay for that!" I think to myself, "I think safeway is going to be ok without a few gummy worms." I mean serious, is grazing really that bad?

The 1990's

2009-01-09T00:33:00.000-08:00

I can't believe its been like 20 years or something since the 1990's. Right now I am having nostalgia. I remember when I used to be really into nostalgia.

Sweet things from the 90's

You Ain't Cool Unless You Pee Your Pants

2009-01-07T18:00:00.000-08:00

Well, Facebook at times can be a wonderful thing; but only at times. I have found a long lost friend from St. George Ut, this nice gal who I used to draw pictures for, she also tells me we ate cat food together. Well I have thought about the good times I had while I lived there, and today I will tell you about one of those times.

Ever since I can remember I have been showing up to basketball pratice with my dad. He coached at the local high school and I would follow him around; I even once was on the radio after a game. Well, one day when I was about 4 years old; I pee'd my pants, and I was embarrased. I don't think I wanted my dad's players to know I pee'd my pants so I decided to walk home. I have sometimes wondered how long was I planning to walk home. Well the interweb is a wonderful invention, so I did a little Mapquest search and found out that the distance between the school and my home and it is 3.8 miles. (Click here to see map.) Well, as I started my trek home, I made it about 3/4 of a mile and some people my parents knew picked me up and took me home. I don't think my dad even knew I was gone.

Getting Body Checked into the "Friend Zone"

2009-01-05T23:06:00.000-08:00

Today I would like to blog about a place, it sounds good... Yeah it sounds nice, but it ain't. It's a little place called the "Friend Zone." Today I'd like to tell you about a friend, now my friend gets a little fired up when I blog about him, so I am going to change his name. So today let us change his real name to Tyrone. Now Tyrone called me today with a problem. He calls me today and says, "hey dude, you know that girl I like? Dude, I am in the friend zone." My first thought was, how could you let this happen Tyrone. I don't know who to blame more Tyrone or this gal. I know many of you saying to yourself, "hey the friend zone isn't so bad." Folks, let me give you a little analogy, getting put in the friend zone is much like the poor short kid who can't shoot a lick, who try's out for the basketball team and the coach tells him he can be on the team but...he has to be the "Team Manager" AKA Waterboy.

My advice, if you ever feel yourself going in the zone, put the other in the zone first. It's all about winning the race.

2008 Let's Talk about it

2008-12-31T15:13:00.000-08:00

Year End Review of Mitchell Mark

As I reflect upon the year that 2008, it was about as sweet as when I was a young lad and I would visit Queen Frostine. I had a lot of wonderful experiences and met some neat people. This year I have kind of had somewhat of a real job. I have been part-time teaching at the local college here. Many times I walk through the halls and laugh to myself thinking, "wow I am actually a teacher." I really enjoy it though and I think I am doing a pretty good job at it. I have definitely learned a lot about myself, and even how to become a better teacher. I have taught Human Communications, Lifetime Wellness, College Survival Skills, and Public Speaking which I really enjoy teaching. Right now I am trying to get bring a new class to the curriculum, a Mass Communications class so I am crossing my fingers that it works out.

This has been the first year in a long time that I've spent the whole year in Moses Lake. I love it here from end of March to end of October which just happens to be when wakeboard season starts and ends. This summer was one of my favorite wakeboard seasons. Just had a lot of fun and learned a lot of new things as well.

During the winter months a famous poem comes to mind. “God gave us memories so that we might have roses in December.” Here are a few of my roses.

2008 was a good year and I am totally looking forward to the 09. Lots of stuff to do. I have a few trips planned; snowboarding in Utah and perhaps head to Denver and I am sure some will come up. I am hoping to make it to Lake Shasta and Roosevelt this year. Those are two big goals.

2008 Year End Highlights
-Got my first speeding ticket (First day of school, in a school zone. Didn't know it was first day of school or a school zone. Soo unethical.)
-Started this Blog! BAM
-Beat the creators of Call of Duty 4 in a scrimmage.
-Managed to stay away from Facebook for three weeks.
-Found the (BCS) Baker City Secret. It's this Chinese food place in Baker City Oregon. It's like Crossfire not too many people know how amazing it is.
Just to name a few highlights.

BCS Showdown

2008-12-29T15:56:00.000-08:00

Well Because people love my sports posts so much and I seem to get 0 Hey Oh's, I will continue to write about sports. I usally just write these for personal enjoyment and don't mind the 0 Hey Oh's.

Well so far this year I am 4-3 on bowl games, nothing to write home about but not bad.

I will now give you my picks for the BCS bowl games:

ROSE BOWL Jan. 1, 2009 ABC, 4:30 p.m. ET
USC Vs. PENN ST. I got USC 21 Penn St. 10.

ORANGE BOWL Jan. 1, 2009 FOX, 8:30 p.m. ET
VIRGINIA TECH VS. CINCINNATI. I got Va Tech 24 Cinci 21

ALLSTATE SUGAR BOWL Jan. 2, 2009 FOX, 8 p.m. ET
UTAH VS. ALABAMA. I got Bama 31 Utah 21.

TOSTITOS FIESTA BOWL Jan. 5, 2009 FOX, 8 p.m. ET
OHIO STATE VS. TEXAS. I got Texas 42 Ohio St. 21.

BCS CHAMPIONSHIP GAME Jan. 8, 2009 FOX, 8 p.m. ET
FLORIDA VS. OKLAHOMA. I got Oklahoma 35 Florida 31.

I think I should get all of these correct.

Ode to the "LOL" Users

2008-12-29T12:34:00.000-08:00

Well, lately I have been reading peoples posts and comments and what nots and I believe that the “haha,” “hehe,” and “lol” are being overly used. I strongly believe that many people who write “lol” are not actually laughing out loud, and most of the time just laughing in their minds. I believe that we need to implement a few new acronyms to the game.

Mitch List of New Acronyms
IFL – “I’m Fake Laughing.” Use this when someone says something you don’t find to be funny or something that you do not understand, but you want them to feel good about themselves.

NFBGT – “Not Funny, But Good Try.” Has our world become too politically correct that we can no longer tell our friends and family that something they wished to be actually wasn’t and it was actually dumb.

SLTM – “Silently Laughing To Myself.” This can be used when someone was something that is funny, but did not cause you to laugh out loud rather just chuckle a bit.

SWYA – “Stop While You’re Ahead.” Over the net people can easily beat a dead horse for house, one reason this is so easy is because as they are beating this dead horse, the replies we are send are “haha” and “lol” so the feedback that is being sent gives the author enthusiasm to keep on going.

This message has been approved by Tyrone

People Can't Get Enough of The Ugly Sweater Parties

2008-12-24T15:51:00.000-08:00

We as an American society are beating the "Ugly Sweater Party" to death. This new fad must be used in moderation. This year I have been invited to three of these parties. It must be stopped. If you are going to throw a Christmas party and are thinking about the ole ugly sweater party or can't think of a theme; how about try Christmas! I believe a 5 year ban on these parties is in order; kind of like Prohibition but instead of beer, it's ugly sweater parties.

(Two typical dudes enjoying a typical ugly sweater party.)

Holiday Grub

2008-12-24T15:30:00.000-08:00

Ain't no party like a Christmas party, cuz a Christmas party don't stop.

One of the most important parts to a Christmas party is FOOD! There are two types of people in this world those who bake Christmas food, and those of us who eat Christmas food non stop!

Some of my Favorite Christmas Treats:

Cinnamon Rolls - They are best right from the oven very soft.

Sugar Cookies

Fudge

Eggnog (Not food but tasty) - I like to spice up my Eggnog and put a little Sprite in it.

It's More Than a Game; It's World Domination

2008-12-23T18:05:00.000-08:00

More Christmas Fun (Kinda)
When family and friends gather what better to do then take over the world. The game of Risk is a wonderful game to determine what kind of strategy you have and how big of jerkface you can be.

Well today I am going to teach you how to become a pro at the game of Risk, like I have become. But, I feel like those Magic guys who go on Magic revealed and explain how tricks are done. By explaining my Risk magic I realize that I will never be the same player as before, but for sake of the blog I will tell you. I am giving you pearls here. Risk is more different than any other board game, because with the game of Risk the skill of diplomacy is essential; which we will discuss first.

During your first turns move slowly. Only attack one or two countries; explain to your opponent I have to take over this country to get a card. By doing this you will not create any enemies at the beginning of the game. Also, each time you are attacked even if you don't care about the country, cry out "oh man Kamchatka!!! Why is everyone attacking me." This will make the nice players who actually play for fun (losers) not attack you. Today will we call these type of players "ponds." You will need these players to rise to power.

Two continents that are wonderful to take over early and attack from are Australia and South America. Using Australia's extra armies to take over North America is key, or the north migration from South America is key. You see, to win the game you must take over the world but, if you can take over North America that is 75% of the battle.

O.K. a big Strategy is to use "ponds" to create treaties. If you are able to do this you no longer have to fortify the war front with the "pond," O.K. this is so dirty but, it's world domination not Candyland. When the "pond" is vulnerable and has at least 3 cards in their hand it is time to break the treaty and take them out of the game. Late in the game Risk Cards are key! As you start to wipe them out, and they are in awe of this. Explain to them the story of "The Little Boy and the Rattlesnake," (My favorite line: "You knew what I was when you picked me up.") I always do, they don't seem to enjoy it as much as I do.

Risk cards are very key and the reason you take others out of the game. Try not to take things too personal. At times you may want to take out other experienced players because, unlike "ponds" they are able to see through your trickiness.

There are also other great strats like, posum in Eourpe, while others are battling it out in Peru you slowly take over Europe. The Chinese Great wall. Build a huge wall in Afganistan along that line, it can take enemies turns to get to you; At time Asia can be taken over easily, because Asia is a land with 2-3 armies per country; but remember your going to need a large army to hold it.

Good luck in your next Risk war!

Joys of Christmas

2008-12-23T15:41:00.000-08:00

The word is Scrooge is defined as "A mean-spirited miserly person; a skinflint." These folks can be found without Christmas cheer, decor, and the like. They enjoy spending their Christmas break cleaning out email inboxes, ..... and smiling isn't in their vocabulary.

Because I am not a Scrooge, I consider myself more as Christmas greeter, it's kind of like a Wal*Mart greeter but, I don't wear a blue vest all day; not because it's not cool, it's just I don't have one. So today I am going to spread Christmas joy via Blogger.com.

I know many of us are having peoples over for the holiday season and thinking to yourself, "what am I going to do to entertain these people?" So I am going to give you fun things to do over the Holiday Break. (The next few days; so you might want to come back and check my blog again soon.)

Sledding! It is classic, every since the 1870's people have been cursing down snowy slopes out of control on foreign objects. There is nothing like the feeling of flying down a hill at rapid speeds feeling totally out of control. Your destiny is in the hands of your sled. You can also go out to go out to the country (roads with numbers and letters) and tie a sled to a rope and tie it to the back of a truck and drag people around. Get out there and grab a sled or tube and if the hills do not look safe then those are perfect sledding conditions.

Bowl of Chile Nope College Football Bowls

2008-12-19T20:32:00.000-08:00

Football Bowl Season
One thing that get me through the cold wintery months is College Football Bowl Games. Today with the help of my trusty magic 8 ball I am going to make my predictions of the first week of bowl games. Gals, we do family pictures and help decorate trees so let us have our games.
Saturday, December 20

EAGLEBANK BOWL
Wake Forest vs. Navy: This match up reminds me of one of my favorite games as a child. I am sorry Navy but your battle ship has been sunken. I got Wake over Navy 28-14
NEW MEXICO BOWL
Colorado State vs. Fresno State: They WAC’EY WAC is solid. I Like the Fresno coach; gonna be close but I got Fresno 21 and Colorado St. (The Hacky Sack kids) 17.
MAGICJACK ST. PETERSBURG BOWL
Memphis vs. South Florida: South Florida is fast like lighting, gonna be running all over this kids. Memphis is a school full of chokers; don’t expect them to pull this one out. 24-21 SFU.
PIONEER LAS VEGAS BOWL
Brigham Young vs. Arizona: Pretty much a home game for both of these clubs. BYU travels very well to Vegas; this year they have played much better with the crowd behind them. If you take out USC out of the PAC-10 it is the worst conference west of Texas. I got no love for Arizona in this game; this gonna be a blow out. BYU 42-24.
Sunday, December 21
R+L CARRIERS NEW ORLEANS BOWL
Southern Miss vs. Troy: Right now Southern miss is on a 4 game winning streak so there confidence is riding high. Troy is much like the Magical Wooden horse except they suck. They haven’t beaten a top 25 team this year just beating down on red headed step children. Southern Miss 34 Troy 17.
Tuesday, December 23
SAN DIEGO COUNTY CREDIT UNION POINSETTIA BOWL
No. 9 Boise State vs. No. 11 TCU: This is the best non BCS bowl game of the year. Your gonna want to watch this one live. Trust me, it’s going to be a great game. Both really talented clubs, they are both explosive clubs. Gonna go down to the wire in the 4th quarter, my mind says TCU but my heart is going with Boise St. and because my heart makes all my decisions I have BSU winning 31-28. P.S. Watch for a few trick plays from BSU.
Wednesday, December 24
SHERATON HAWAII BOWL
Hawaii vs. Notre Dame: Who gives a care!!! The only reason ND got an invite is because Hawaii knows they travel well and they will make a lot of cash off the train wreak program. I also think ND was excited to go there because it never snows in Hawaii so now their own student section cannot hit them with snowballs. I love Hawaii but they are terrible, but so is ND. Don’t even watch this game I’ve seen better flag football games this eyesore of game. Do the family Christmas talent show and catch the highlights on Sportscenter.
Friday, December 26
MOTOR CITY BOWL
Florida Atlantic vs. Central Michigan: Ok both of these programs didn’t finish their season well. Central Mich. lost to their rivals the last game of the season and ole Florida Atlantic is rockin a 5-1 record as of late so this crazy train is going to keep on rollin and Florida Atlantic gonna win this one 30-21.

Next week we will look at the rest of the bowl games!

Holiday Movies

2008-12-15T15:25:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite things about the Christmas season is the wonderful Holiday movies. Nothing gets me more in the mood for Christmas then a good Holiday movie and a cup of Eggnog. Here is a list of my Must see's every Christmas year. I am sad Paige won't be around to watch them with me.

#5 The Gift - A story about a farm boy who hated to do his chores. I could relate to this kid growing...well I guess I still can. Every morning he and his dad go out and feed the cows and take care of all the animals. But on Christmas morning he wakes up extra early and does all the work himself so his dad can enjoy Christmas morning with the kids. It's a classic LDS film right up there with Jonny Lingo. (Me and Golden have a lot jokes between the two of us about this dusey)

#4 How the Grinch Stole Christmas - Great laughs, Jim Carry is super funny. A movie about Dr. Seuss's Christmas poem, it's a wonderful story.

#3 Miracle on 34th Street - Some like the old school black and white movie. We watch the new one. It's just hard for me to watch black and white movies. This is a fam. fav. my mom is always voting for this one and also that Little Women movie. When they put that one in I have to leave the room. I have managed to not watch that movie for like 10 years and I am hoping to make it another 10 years and then times that by ten, which is like thousand or something like that.

#2 Christmas Vacation - Chevy Chase + The 1980's = magic! Great lines like "And why is the carpet all wet Todd? I don't know Margo!"

#1 Home Alone - I can still remember going to see this one when it came out in the theater. I laughed my head off then and I still laugh my head off now. It is soo funny when those bad guys try to break into his house! They fall into every trap little Kevin sets for them. Great movie for the whole family.

Finals are Finally Over!!!

2008-12-10T17:02:00.000-08:00

The Christmas Break is finally here! I love teaching! It’s nice to have a break; now I have a few weeks to get mentally prepared for the holidays. I am building up my eggnog stamina and getting my singing voice in tune for caroling; saying “Unique New York” five times as fast as I can.
This last term I had the opportunity of teaching a College Survival Skills class (CSS). I had a fun time; I basically just told a few stories about me and Rob to the Bob, and threw a few quizzes at them. As I reflect on my time in there, I feel it was very beneficial for incoming freshmen to take a survival skills class. Now I know many of you are not fortune enough to take a CSS or a CSS from yours truly, so today I am going to give you five secrets to survive college. I know many of you are thinking…”college is too tough.” But kids, if I can get through it, the “Resource room kid,” then I know each one of you can.

Tip #1 – Be a “showeruper,” just like you can’t earn money if you don’t show up to work, it’s a lot harder to pass classes if you don’t show up. I know it’s a lot harder in college waking up in the morning, without your mom coming in each morning and singing, “Rise and Shout the cougars are out.” (Well, many of you are normal and had alarm clocks.) Many college teachers don’t take attendance, but that doesn’t mean you can skip. Show up every day! Especially days before tests and review sessions.

Tip #2 – Turn everything on time. The syllabus is the road map to the course outline important dates on “syllabus day” (aka first day of school.) Know when big assignments are due, and kids try out this concept; I know it’s new for a lot of you but, start on an assignment before the day it’s due.

Tip #3 – Find your own study zone. Get in the zone kids. For example, in college I knew if I went home I could never get any homework done; my yahoo roommates would talk me into going on field trips, dance parties, and blackout ball tag. Therefore I had to find a quiet area in the library, without my cell phone, or people to watch.

Tip # 4 – Get to know your teacher. I know from personal experience, teachers I knew on a personal basis would help me after class time on projects and work with me to improve my grade at the end of the term. If an emergency comes up email, or call them let know what’s going on. After like 18 years of school one thing that I learned is that grading is subjective. If a teacher likes you, or knows that you are considered about your grade (future). Teachers will be more willing to work with you than, if you just showed up the day grades are due and, said “hi my name is bob, can you help me out with my grade.”

Tip # 5 – Enjoy the journey. I have a hard time doing things I don’t enjoy; I guess that is why I have never been one for pulling weeds. As you go throughout your college experience join clubs, intramurals, and get out and meet people that are not from your home town (BYU-Idaho people). If you are only learning from your classes then you are missing out on 75% of your college experience. Much of the learning that takes place during your college years should take place outside of the classroom. I was able to attend five different colleges during my college years and I meet people from all over the world and I wouldn’t trade anything for the good times I spent with them.

Paul Brogan Coming to You Live From Tacoma

2008-12-08T18:12:00.000-08:00

Another Internet Super Star!

Inside information: (In his recap of the Final Four He first talks about the Tacoma Titans basketball team. They just happen to be the team that beat Big Bend (My team.) for the NWAACC championship.)

For more Vids: Click Here

Jimmy V. A Hero of Mine

2008-11-29T14:38:00.000-08:00

In life we are all influenced by those around us, but there are those few exceptions when someone who we have never met has a great impact on us. For example, for my science Olympiad friends it was Albert Einstein. Today, I want to talk about one of my heroes; Jimmy Valvano former great basketball coach, who has been a big hero of mine ever since I was kid and has had a great impact in my life for better.

Here is one of my Favorite speeches. This is the 1993 ESPY Awards While accepting the inaugural Arthur Ashe Courage and Humanitarian Award. During this speech he was fighting a battle with cancer, and died less than two months later.

This is the Most Credible Blog on the Market

2008-11-24T21:04:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago in my “ESPN just can’t get it right” blog, I stated “In your face Tiger, looks like your Buick endorsement days are over.” Well, I was right! I am ahead of the curve once again. Just today, GM ends their 9-year endorsement of Woods. (Click here for whole story). A lot of analysts are saying it is due to the recent recession that is facing the nation but, we all know it is because Kim Jong-Il ate his lunch for breakfast on the school bus.

Best Intro's Ever

2008-11-23T17:15:00.000-08:00

Well, I have been pondering to myself, "Mitch why don't you get as excited about TV shows, like you did back in the day?" I have thought about this and I come up with the Answer, It's all about the Intro! I mean could you imagine Sesame Street without, "Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street?" The beginning of a show sets the tone for the whole episode. Today, I have come up with the 10 best introductions to my old favortive shows. These are shows that totally understood the importance of grabing the audiences attention from the get-go.

Number Ten:
Chip and Dale's Rescue Rangers - Dude the excitement in that song Bam!

Number Nine:
Today's Special - This is way old school, but still magical.

Number Eight:
Gummi Bears - Happy song! One of the Disney channels best, back when you would have to pay for it.

Number Seven:
M.A.S.K. - Such a good show, I had the red car!

Number Six:
Jem and The Holograms - Okay, maybe a little girly, but Jem had it going on.

Number Five:
Heatcliff - My parents finally got cable TV, and I finally got Heatcliff.

Number Four:
Transformers - Classic! If your not dancing in your chair after this song, then your not getting the full experience.

Number Three:
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - If you don't know the song word for word, then you're not a friend of a Raphael.

Number Two:
Two for two!
Duck Tales - I wish I could swim in "straight cash homie."

G.I. Joe - Started strong and ended strong with always a lesson to be learnd.

Number One:
Thundercats - I always, got in extra earily from playing to make sure I didn't miss this intro.

Bonus Intro: Click Here.

Putting the Kibosh on Cutters

2008-11-21T14:17:00.000-08:00

Well, I consider myself a pretty nice guy; I mean I have helped my fair share of old ladies tie their shoes and cleaned up a few vacant lots (well watched why my fellow scout’ers as they did.) But, there are those times that I can get fired up. Today was one of those days; Today I was at our local Quiznos standing in a somewhat long lunch hour rush line. Now, I am no longer in 3rd grade so I don’t feel it is necessary to stand right behind the guy in front of me; pretty much giving him the business. I was in line and this wacko lady comes in and walks right past me, like I was Bill Cosby from his hit movie “Ghost Dad.” I am standing in shock, I wait a few minutes standing there thinking she will say, “oh I am sorry I didn’t see you stand there.” But no she then does the full cut, turning her back to me to solidify her spot in line. This got me fired up, so I walk up to her and say, “excuse me, did you cut in front of me on purpose?” She looked at me and did not say a word, she just walked right behind me. I know some of you are thinking to yourself, “Oh that is rude.” Well you know what I think is rude, cutters!

Are You A Gamer?

2008-11-16T21:41:00.000-08:00

As I surf the web, I am finding more and more on-line quizzes. For ex. quizzes like "does he/she like me," "am I a cool guy," and so on. Well today I am going to give you the most important quiz ever;it is called, "How big of gamer am I?" (Tyson is thinking to himself, I am a bad mamajama gamer.) Well, many of you probably don't even know what a gamer is; a gamer is "someone who plays video games and understands the concept of the games." (The Wizard.)
OK kids, lets get started! (you might need a piece of paper to write your answers and keep track of your score.)

Correct answers are one point.

Question #1
1. What is the name of the yellow circle that must eat all the dots to complete the round. Hint: He is chased by ghosts in a variety of colors. (Arcade)

2. Who is Zelda? (NES)

3. Have you owned more then three video game consoles? Give yourself 1 point.

4. Who do you fight before Mike Tyson in Mike Tyson's punch out? (NES)

5. Who was Sonic's sidekick? (SEGA)

6. How many flutes are their in Super Mario Bros. Three? (NES)

7. What was "DK mode" in Golden Eye 007? (SNES)

8. Can you name more then 10 video games you have completed? (If yes, Plus 1. If you have passed more then 30 games plus 2.)

9. What is Star Fox's last name? (SNES)

10. In what game can you find the famous map, known as "de dust 2"? (PC)

11. What video game developer created the "Halo" series? (Xbox, Xbox 360)

12. In the Metal Gear series what is the name of the main character? (NES, PS, PS2,PS3)

13. What does RPG and FPS stand for?

14. What former football coach and now sports announcer has his own video game series?

15. Do you have, or have had a World of Warcraft account, Xbox live, or Steam account?

16. Do you know what a guild is?

17. Do you know the guys who work at your local gamer store? Example: Game stop. Give yourself one point.

18. Have you been to a LAN party in the past six months? Give yourself a high five and 2 points.

19. If you use "noob," "pwn," "gg," "wtf," "lo3," and "for the win," in your every day vocab; give yourself a point.

20. If you ahve camped out, or went to a midnight release party for a game or console: Give yourself a pat on the back and 2 points.

Now, first thing go to the "hey oh's" post and check your answers with the correct answers. Add up your score. Please post your own score too, don't be shy be proud!

Score: 20+. (The True Gamer) You are the Official GAMER. You live in your parents basement and pwn kids on every system ever created. Your gamer friends know you better then you own family. You eat drink and sleep head shoots, magical quests, and while everyone else is working that 9 to 5 your serving up kats on xbox live. You set the bar and if they made trophies for all the games you have played your basement would be full of them. Your motto: "A real job? school? loserville, that what it is. Hey my clan just called me we got a practice for up coming tournment."

Score: 15-19. (Billy Semi-Pro). You are a pretty hardcore gamer. You have somewhat of a social life but lets face it your were born to game. After you come home from a hard days work you enjoy a little gaming. You consider yourself a recreation gamer, but lets face it, you know your stuff. You take pride in your gaming skills and enjoy a little lan party with firends. Your motto: "I sometimes wish I could drop out, or quit my job and just game."

Score: 11-14. (Recreational Joe) You enjoy playing video games, but there are just not enough hours in a day to play. You try to get in a little gaming with your buddies on the weekends and holidays. Typically, you won't turn on a game to play by yourself unless, those around talk you into playing, but once your gaming, you have yourself a good time. Your motto: "Wow I can't believe it's 4:00 AM and we have been playing this long, I should probably go to bed."

Score: 5-10. (Sally Too Cool Sue) You once had a old school nintendo, you jumped on a few turtle heads but, didn't really understand why it was fun. Your friends and family play, but you don't understand how it can be all that fun. Your motto: "I have a little brother who plays these silly games all day. He needs to get out of the basement and go play outside.

Score: 0-4. (Volvo Driving Soccer Mom) You think video games are silly. You once tried playing them but couldn't get this little guy to jump over the green tube so you quit. You think its a waste of time and money. Your motto: "These games lead to a lot of violence, my kid plays these games and is 28 and not married and he wonders why."

Love Me a Good Montage

2008-11-09T21:30:00.000-08:00

A Montage is defined as - "the art or process of producing a sequence of abruptly alternating scenes or images or a sequence in which superimposed images are shown whirling about, flashing into focus, etc., to convey an idea." This video is a sweet example.

Nobody better understood this then the 1980's, when every hit movie had a a killer montage. A solid montage can make a good movie great, or a great movie to snooper-duper sweet status. Sweet music and dope scenes are two ingredients that make an effective montage. After today's blog you'll know the top 10 montages of all time.

Number Ten - Footloose Tractor Montage (The game of chicken at its best, Boonie Tyler is holding out for a hero, I think she found one.)

Number Nine - Rocky III Montage (No one understood the importance of the montage better then Rocky, every time I run on the beach, I think of Rocky... Which is like everyday.)

Number Eight - Ghost Busters Montage (Classic montage, who you gonna call?)

Number Seven - Never Back Down Fight Montage (A movie full of the montages, MMA at its best...kinda.)

Number Six - Over The Top Arm Wrestling Montage (I saw this movie on a airplane moving back from Hawaii, and I haven't been the same since.)

Number Five - Top Gun Intro. Montage (Kenny Logins can be my wing man anytime, especially with a sweet jam like that!)

Number Four - Karate Kid Tournament Montage (I wish I had this song for my own montage, if this didn't make you go down to the local Dojo and sign up for Karate then, well your a looser.)

Number Three - Teen Wolf Basketball Montage (Teen Wolf proves you didn't need a nice jump shot to be a baller, just some sweet 80's music.)

Number Two - BLoodsport Fighting Montage (Van Damme just fighting to survive.)

Number One - Rocky IV Training Montage (If this isn't American propaganda I don't know what is, and I love every minute of it. This will forever go down as the best montage every created.)

Bonus Montage? Click Here.

ESPY’S JUST CAN’T GET IT RIGHT

2008-11-06T16:01:00.001-08:00

Kids, when you think of world’s greatest athlete you probably think of Michael Jordan, Alex Rodriguez, or Tom Brady. The ESPY’s last year gave the award to Tiger Woods. Well, I am here to inform you that you and the ESPY’s are all wrong! The world’s greatest athlete hands down is none other than North Korean leader Kim Jong-Il. Oh yes! The N. Korean media stated that Kim Jong-Il enjoys golf, having shot multiple holes-in-one during his first try at the game. He reportedly aced five holes and finished 38 under par on the golf course. Most Golfers spend their whole career playing golf and are lucky to get one, this badmamajama got five in one game! The "Great Leader" routinely shoots three or four holes-in-one per round. In your face Tiger, looks like your Buick endorsement days are over. (Maybe KIA will sign you.)
But, not only is Kim one heck of a Golfer, this same media reported that he bowled a perfect 300 his first ever bowling! (I wonder if he had the kid rails up.) Not bad for a 5’3” dude in a green jump suit.

(Please raise your hand if you are the biggest liar in the world...)

The World's Strongest Man Contests Must Be Stopped

2008-11-03T14:05:00.000-08:00

Many times the media and parents blame violent movies, rap music, and Pokémon for problems facing our society. Today I would like to add another one to the list. The World's Strongest Man contest! Yes, these Northern European steroided super humans must no longer be able to drag school buses around, have three legged races with rail ties on their backs, or carry around GEO Metros. Last week tragedy struck Mousa Alijahmi, a freshman at the College of Staten Island, was working as a restaurant valet when he died Saturday afternoon. Police said the 17-year-old student had just parked the minivan and stepped out when the vehicle started rolling — apparently because he had not put it in park. As he ran behind it, the more than 3,000-pound van knocked him into a parked SUV, crushing him. Many of you ask, “why would anyone try to stop a rolling car?” “Where would someone get such a crazy idea?” I’ll tell you, it’s that dang World's Strongest Man contest, this sport must be stopped.

Sweet Game Show (Fun House)

2008-11-02T19:58:00.000-08:00

I wish Ziggy from Quantum Leap could take me back in time so I could be on this amazing show; this was one of my favorite shows as a little kid. I remember watching this show only when I was home sick from school because it came on around.

Graduating, it’s kinda like quitting

2008-11-01T15:20:00.000-07:00

Guest Writer: Rob to the Bob,
Many of you may be asking yourself how is Rob to the Bob going to teach me about surviving college? Well, I should know, I’ve been there for like 6 years going on Lucky # 7. I am like the Price is Right, I have been going to college since old ladies have been guessing the price of a 1971 box of Ovaltine. My advice might help get you passed countless video games and perhaps even get married but definitely not a degree; but for sure, you’ll be known for being really good at the lava game.

Food – Dishes with roommates? There is no solution, sorry. Unless you want to get $5 from each roommate each month and spend it on disposable cups, plates and utensils (wish I would have thought of this before two minutes ago). Or, just go get a bagful at the local McDonald’s. Sometimes you need to regulate, like when a roommate ends up hiding their pot so no one can use it (Tyrone!). Which brings me to my next point…don’t ever put a stupid little collection to charge your roommates for playing with your X-box, yes I’m talking to you (Mitch Poth!). That will only lead to contention and your toothbrush will then be used as the toilet bowl brush.

Broads - Jeff Hardy once advised, “action from the ladies a serious priority.”
So with that, here are some sweet sections with advice…
First, get a good wingman (Like, Goose from Top Gun). They can make you very appealing. O.K. first big mistake guys all make; Don’t pamper, be unique (See Editors note for uniqueness). This might seem like a bad idea, but going with girls to a party or dance helps, a lot. You don’t bring them to hook up with phillies, but to score points with all the other girls who are always watching the details like, if you are just wanting to hook up, or if you are there for the long haul. Just as a hunter lays out his bird decoys, these decoys will help bring them in and get you the hook up. Watch out for people like my good friend, who happens to be my cousin, who happens to have a first name of Dan aka “I’m getting old Ty.” You shouldn’t waste too many nights being the wingman of anyone who is into sea donkeys, I learned that the hard way.

Classes - (depends on hotness of girls) - Language courses have lots of ‘em, good ratio. Get a good seat, the first week seats are still open, find out where a hot girl sits and get there early the second day and sit by where she sat, make sure her friend can still fit on the other side or, they’ll go somewhere else. Also, take a few zany classes that will never be practical ones, like metal art welding, tennis or student success (I can vouch for all three).

Video games - As a basic rule, I looked up the Mitch Poth answer book and under page 21 it reads and I quote, “video gaming is also key for every hour in class 3 hours of gaming is required." At least one night a year of all night video games the day before a test, then you’ll be doing what college is made for. You’ll never use trigonometry to figure out the rotational speed on your bicycle wheel, but you will need to perform a big presentation, or interview after a crazy night in your life. College isn’t about what you learn academically. It’s how you mature, adapt and survive.

Activities - Learn to dance (Breakin’ is a great instructional video, took us to the top of our game.) Or, learn to not care how you look and enjoy it. Seriously, it is rad. Road trips are essential. Your goal should be to go on one each year. Don’t graduate till you’ve gone on a trip that goes as far as four states away. Intramural sports are rad. That’s when you see people past their prime in all their glory, good Mormon kids dropping sh-bombs, fat guys trying to run the show, and awesome uniforms, on more than one occasion you’ll hear, “I played J.V ball I was gonna’ play Varsity but I didn’t like the coach.” True all-stars. Oh yeah, midnight lights out dodge ball is always exciting, the later the better. (I may tell you the rules and a few war stories next blog.)

Provecho!

Note from the Editor. I would like to share with a story about Rob to the Bob and his unique style of dating. I actually heard this story from a girl that Rob took out on a date, and don’t believe he knows I know this story until now. Well one night Rob and a gal head up to Salt Lake City for a wonderful night out on the town. Well on the way home, I am thinking Rob wanted to spice up the date a little. So, as they were driving down the interstate, Rob puts the car on cruise -control and then tells her to take the wheel, he then puts his seat all the way back. After a little bit of passenger driving, Rob thinks there needs to be even more spice, so he then moves to the back seat of the car and lays down in the back seat as the car travels 70 mph down the freeway for a bit. She told me she has never been more scared in her life. (Yes, kids never try that maneuver. She said the date was going well tell then.)

You Better Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself

2008-10-30T23:37:00.000-07:00

Halloween is upon us and I feel it is my job to warn you of one of the dangers. Yes, I know I am not the first, I am sure your parents and teachers at one point in time explained to you the dangers of Halloween candy. Many of you after a night of knocking doors throughout the neighbor, returned home with a pillow case full of candy; illustrating to your parents and siblings the hard work you put in. Did your parent inspect your candy to insure it to be safe or, do you plan on inspecting your children's candy this year? (my parents never did, I guess they didn't care if I died from poisoned candy.)

Here are a few horror stories I am sure we have all heard about Halloween Candy:

Crack Head Billy: This crack addict passed out Halloween candy, with the drugs concealed inside (many consider him the original ODB). These trick or treat'ers were taken on wild magic carpet ride for sure. Those Pixie Sticks are a great place to put the crack.

Jonny Nutjob Apple Seed: This psychopath hid razor blades in apples, and passed them out to children on Halloween. Smile your on Candid Camera, No? a little to far with that one? Yes, I remember hearing dozens of children cut their mouths when they bit into the apple.

The Crazy Old Lady: This old grandmother was secretly crazy, she passed out poisoned homemade candy like (personally homemade can always sucked) popcorn balls and the like, yes these were secretly poisoned. Many said, she got busted when dozens of children were rushed to the hospital.

I am sure we have all heard these stories and many more. Well kids, you have all been had! Boo yeah all of these years living in fear of eating Halloween candy, wondering if your going to live to long enough to see Christmas. This Joel Best dude, researched forty years of newspapers and found absolutely no proof of "Jonny Nutjob Apple Seed," or "The Crazy Old Lady"; he found many cases of hoaxes perpetrated about these events, but no proof of the events themselves.

Caller I.D. Is Kinda Lame

2008-10-25T16:00:00.001-07:00

The 20th century gave us many great inventions, The Telephone, Video games, The Flowbee, and Full House. But, today I wish to complain about one invention that has put a damper on my fun, yes I would like to talk about freakin Caller I.D. Oh how I miss the days of asking people, "is your refrigerator was running?" after there reply I would laughingly say "why don't you go catch it." Or, ask the bowling alley, "Do you have eight pound balls;" and then just start laughing. Yes, It seems like so long ago I prank called the house of the girl I had a crush on (well yesterday).

I did have a bad experience, you know who had Caller I.D. before anyone... The Police, yeah I learned that one the hard way. We had a police guy come over and talk to us about how 911 is only for emergency's.

"Getting Old Ty, Getting Old"

2008-10-22T17:57:00.000-07:00

Well this past week a few people I know, who have been dating a few weeks just got engaged...Crazy!!! In the dating world at times, I feel like I am riding a Ten Speed bike on the Freeway Express Lane.

So I was talking to my good friend Tyrone, and he told me of a situation that occurred which has happened to me on more then one occasion, and perhaps you at one point have been in that same predicament.

So he ran into a gal he once knew, and he was like, "wow you're fly" so he was chatting and the like; working his game like only he can. So then he gets her number BUT, he doesn't have a name to go along with it! Sounds like a funny Seinfeld episode, yeah? So how does one go about finding out their name? Well, as me Golden found out at a very young age (playing a lot of Risk at the time) we discovered that there is strategy in everything we do.

Strategy #1,
Just go with the flow, don't worry about it. I once hung out with a gal, I never knew her name. It adds a little excitement. Names are just names. (still don't know her name.)

Strategy #2,
When you call her, pretend that you can't hear, give her the ole "hello, hellllo," and then say who is this? BAM you'll get the name, and then explain, "oh bad connection you sounded like a dude."
Strategy #3,
This one is pretty balls'ey, tell her, "hey if we are going to have kids I am going to need to know your name."

Well my main man, good luck with that one. I hope you apply these wise words of wisdom, I am giving you pearls son, pearls.

Three Weeks No Longer Sober

2008-10-17T16:33:00.001-07:00

So after three weeks of no Facebook, I am back at it, I just couldn't take it! Sorry, I tried I gave it my all. Well you want to know something, my best just wasn't good enough.

Last Week Our Nation Lost Trillions in Funds and Common Cents

2008-10-12T22:53:00.000-07:00

Many of you lately may have asked yourself, “Why, or how can this once great nation (US) be headed for perilous times?” Well, today I am going to explain to you one reason; we have student administrators who are incapable of making educated decisions, making decisions filled with communistic ideas. In the article “School rejects spirited hairstyle,” a young boy is expelled from school for his neatly trimmed Mohawk. Currently the Tampa Bay Devil Rays have started sporting “Ray-hawks,” and fans have followed suit. This organization just can’t catch a break; the Toledo Lawn Dart team gets more attendance to games then these poor folks trapped in retirementville Florida, and now someone actually wants to show a little “team spirit,” and they get banned from attending school. Where is Mr. T innovator of the Mohawk, and the rest of the A-Team when you need them? If this happened in Boston where folks live and die Rex Soxes, this principal would now be selling New Balance shoes and other sub par sports equipment at Big 5. After this rant, or the point of it is; I hope people will use common sense when making decisions.

My 1st Wakeboard Production

2008-10-11T01:41:00.000-07:00

Ode To The Keytar

2008-10-10T12:12:00.000-07:00

Nobody Says "I Want To Play The Keytar When I Grow up."

(Is that guy giving us the "Bird," or just playing his keytar really radical.)

Kimbo Slice Vs. The Stock Market

2008-10-09T21:25:00.000-07:00

Who Has Fallen Further

Kimbo Slice –Big time Hype for beating up people in backyards and street fights; for weeks toured the TV circuit (Ex. Jimmy Kimmel Live) and some how was becoming a face of MMA. Well, Saturday night he jumped in the ring with no name Seth Petruzelli sounds like the guy who came by my house selling Cutco knives. (If this was the WWF this guy would not have a fancy name or costume.) Well anyways, 13 seconds into the fight Kimbo gets TKO! Well, if you don’t know anything about MMA the Elite XC is the JV league of MMA, kind of like Canadian Football. If you’re not good enough for the UFC then you end up in the EliteXC.

Stock Market – After this week you might as well rename your 401k, your 101k because you lost more money then Shawn Kemp after a years worth of Children support for his 7 kids. (That guy has to bring in a few extra chairs in the office on “Bring your kid to work day.”) It’s been a rough for the folks on Wall Street.

I Got Skills Like Columbo

2008-10-08T23:08:00.000-07:00

Well kids, today I am going to tell you a little story I told my class at school this story and nobody believed me; kind of like my story about how I started using the word “Carney” and now everyone I know uses it. (Yeah I strongly believe it was me who started it.) Well for today’s story we are going to have to go back; way back, like 20 yearsish. Many of you may not know this but, us Poth’s are known for our Private Eye skills. My uncle at one time was world famous for being the youngest P.I. in the world at the age of 13. We’ll I think I had him beat unofficially when I worked on the Batman case. Well back in 1989, the first Batman movie staring Michael Keaton came out; when it did, corrupt people started making and selling counterfeit Batman apparel. So my dad and I were called to the case, to rid the streets of Seattle of this fake garb. We would go into random shady stores looking for Batman stuff with DC Comic labels and if they didn’t have it; BUSTED! As I reflect on my experience I really I have what it takes to be a top P.I., perhaps every now and then I’ll go help out those poor folks on Cheaters.

Best Commercial In the World

2008-10-05T18:25:00.000-07:00

So I found this video of a Commercial I made for my advertising class at BYU. I think it is kind of silly, I think you'll all enjoy it for sure!

Sundance Commercial - First Advertising Class

"It's been one week since you looked at me"

2008-10-03T21:26:00.000-07:00

I have been facebookless for one week now. I am starting to understand how a crackhead feels when going through detox. It's been a solid week, I was able to do all my grading, learn a few new tricks on the lake, get all of my lectures prepared, and most importantly work on the blog. It's been nice not having to check my wall for updates and the like. I do miss silly picture comments from my peeps but it's been a nice break. I am sure I will get back on, but I hope that I when I return i'll check my profile once every few days and not a few times a day.

It's Rough being a Washington Sports Fan

2008-10-02T23:05:00.000-07:00

Seahawks aka The SeaChickens: 1-2.

The Seattle Mairners: 61-101

Washington Huskies: 0-4

Washington St. Courgars: 1-4 (Beating up on Portland St.; my flag football team could have beat those kids.)

The Seattle Super Sonices: They left dodge.

The Seattle Storm: WHO EVEN CARES!!!

New Features to our Blog

2008-10-02T20:44:00.000-07:00

Well Folks,

Well because our site is becoming big time, like tons of hits all over the world. (See site meter) I have decided to pimp it out a little. We have added two nice new features which are tasty as a McRib. The first is a list of some sites that I enjoy checking from time to time. The next feature is genus, I have created a list of the top five songs that I am listening to, there is a hyperlink to each one of them for you to check you, amazing I know.

I'm a Facebook Drop Out

2008-09-27T01:55:00.000-07:00

So, today was a pretty monumental day in my life; I deleted my Facebook account, after a good four years of being a faithful member (unfortunately). Well, as I reflect upon my experience, Facebook kind of reminds me of the lands of Fantastica from The NeverEnding Story. A made-up place, with its own rules and norms, different from those in the real world.

Because, of this make believe place community on the world wide web, at times the communication/interactions that occurs between users can be ingenue or, false. One of its main features is a “Wall.” Face to Face communication typically doesn't follow the same patterns that they do on the wall. People are more likely to be bolder or, less timid when writing on a wall then during face to face communication. Many people join Facebook in hopes of meeting new people. How well can you meet someone over a computer?

The majority of its members have hundreds of friends, many of these users spend hours, (like all day on Facebook). No one can maintain that many relationships, so rather then having a few people they can call a true friends, they have hundreds of acquaintances. Adolescents who spend hours on end talking to friends and meeting people on-line are gaining a distorted view of how real human interaction occurs. During face to face communication the power of our message is only 7% the words we say, and 93% our vocal projection, pitch, tone, and non-verbal expressions. Therefore, on-line communications, which has no vocal projection, or non-verbal cues, must only rely on the words of the message, this is also one way that miscommunication occur on the site.

As I reflect on the time I wasted, playing silly games like “Jet-Pack,” and randomly looking at pictures/profiles, I could have probably learned another foreign language, learned to play the organ, or read some quality books. I am looking forward to doing that now. Maybe learn how to make a tasty keish.

I feel so relived that I no longer have to check my wall or email to reply to messages, so I am not thought of as rude. Or, thought of as too cool because I rejected someones friend request, probably from someone I know of, but have never had a conversation with. When ever I see that person I will think to myself, “yeah I am the guy who didn’t want to be your friend, yeah I don’t know you and honestly I don’t want to help you with your “friend count” so you can show-off to others how cool you are.” When I see these people I know what they will be thinking, “yeah that guy thinks he’s too cool to be my friend.” You know what, your probably right.

But, the sad news is, after a few months, maybe even weeks (hopefully not), I'll be once again an ashamed member of the Facebook community.

The Eagle Has Landed Unfortunately

2008-09-19T22:16:00.000-07:00

Well for reasons I don't know, there isn't "Sunshine in my soul today." I am a little bitter, so I am going to write about a place I hate. A little Place known as American Eagle.
The reasons I hate this place are many but here are a few of them.
1. Copy-caters. Another brand creates a nice new style product; American Eagle creates a knock-off; a similar product but cheaper. Kind of like buying kid Ewings instead of Air Jordan's.

2. Lame T-Shirts. I hate the I'm a keeper shirt. It's not funny, nor clever, and for sure not cool.

3. Popin' My Collar. Who are these Popped Collar kids? I have seen one to many shirts with popped collars and kids, the majority of those polo shirts had that dumb little eagle on them.

4. American Eagle designs clothes not that kids like but, stuff that parents who buy the clothes like. Seriously, so many parents rave about how great it is, yeah you know why; cuz you are there target market.

So, if you have any of their crap, I would most def. take it to Goodwill or just burn it.

It's time to go back

2008-09-16T15:54:00.000-07:00

I remember when I used to really be into nostalgia.

I have a large sports card collection. For some reason, I collected Wade Boggs baseball cards. I have over 200 cards of just that guy.

In college me and Rob to the Bob played the lava game. (More than one time too.)

Long division problems that have remainders always annoyed me.

In 3rd grade, I got two bus tickets for fighting and was kicked off the bus for a period of time.

In 6th grade school, I got 3rd place in a chess tournament, they gave me award in an assembly and I wasn't too excited about it.

When the Yo-Yo pro came to our school to perform everyone thought he was cool, except me.

I used to love jet skis, now I wish they would outlaw them.

During Finals week, I went on a little vacation; then...didn't do so good on my finals.

I still have the Zelda Map memorized in my head; I know all the trees to burn and places to bomb for secret treasures. I also still know the contra code.

Golden and I, used to throw pears at signs and we thought it was super fun.

I used to be really good with a hula-hoop, like professional.

5th grade at the church, standing in line for Santa Clause, I kissed my girlfriend on the cheek.

The Five Baddest Mo Fo's to Grace the Big Screen

2008-09-04T00:16:00.000-07:00

After hours of research, I have come up with the Five baddest dudes to ever grace us with their presence on the big screen. Dudes so bad they don't need Tattoos to look tough.
Number Five
Shaft; from Shaft. "Shaft is his name. Shaft is his game."

Baddest Private eye, makes Colombo look like Strawberry Shortcake. If you got troubles in the inner city, who you going to call? Forget the Ghost Busters, Call Shaft. Anyone who talks about them-self in the 3rd person is one bad mother.
Best lines: "Watch your mouth." "Cut the crap, man, this is Shaft." "Cut the crap man, this is Shaft. Looks like you gonna have to close it yo'self!"
Number Four
Ivan Drago; from Rocky IV. "I win for me! FOR ME!"
Arguably the toughest opponent Rocky ever faced in the ring; well besides boxing busts HIV positive Tommy Gun. This juiced up commie, entered the ring with no mercy, wiped the floor with Rocky best Friend Apollo Creed. Gave Rocky a run for his money!
Best Lines: "If he dies, he dies." "You must lose." "I must Break you."

Number Three
John Kreese; from Karate Kid I, II, & III. "Sweep the Leg."
The Ring leader of the Kobra Kai; runs the baddest dojo in Southern California. Fear, Pain, defeat, "does not exist in this dojo." Kreese believes if your not cheating, then your not trying hard enough; telling Bobby to "sweep the leg".
Best Lines: "This is a karate dojo, not a knitting class. You don't come into my dojo, drop a challenge and leave, old man. Now you get your boy on the mat, or you and I will have a major problem." "Yes. Make his knuckles bleed." "Second place? Second place is no place! You're off the team!"
Number Two
Darth Vader; from Stars Wars IV,V, & VI. "Luke, I am your father!"
When most people here the word bad guy, Vader comes to mind. Half Man, Half Machine, and Half Bad A$$. Not only was he a leader of the imperial army but, this bad boy never paid a cent of child support.
Best Lines: "You don't know the power of the dark side!" "Asteroids do not concern me, Admiral. I want that ship, not excuses." "There is no escape. Don't make me destroy you. "

Number One
Officer John McClane: from Die Hard I,II,III, & Live Free or Die Hard. "He's the only chance anyone has got."
Alcoholic and chain smoker Officer McClane is the baddest of bad! The baddest of them all, so bad he walks on glass barefoot, so bad he drives trucks through walls, saving the world over and over and killing bad guys like it's going out of style.
Best Lines: "Hahdly? Who are you then, someone I set up? What did you do? Shoplifting? Purse-snatching?...Cross-dressing? What?" "So's his pal, and those four guys from the East German All-Stars, your boys at the bank? They're gonna be a little late. " "You must be just about out of bad guys by now. "

Honorable Mentions: Don Michael Corleone, Tony Montana, The Joker, and Dirty Harry

Flow on Flobots

2008-09-03T10:27:00.000-07:00

Well kids, Golden and I have encountered a band with, what the kids are calling "phat beats." The Flobots, from Denver CO. are pretty solid, but may be a little to edgey for mom and dad. When I first heard of these kids they reminded me a lot of the Gym Class Heroes (Side note: They have a new CD coming out Sept. 9th). Cleaver lyrics and sweet beats will have any old timer doing the Roger Rabbit . This political activist rap/sing about many problems facing our world; these good Samaritans have also created their own .org in hopes of promoting social change for the better. My Favorite jams are: Handlebars, Anne Braden, Stand Up, and Rise.

Give them a listen and perhaps they'll make in your IPod.

I Found a New Job

2008-08-21T23:26:00.001-07:00

Well kids, I have been looking for a little part-time job to keep me out of trouble, and I think I have found something that looks promising. I am a little concerned about the whole "safety not guaranteed," but he has done this once before so I should be alright.

Guide for My Dating Life

2008-08-19T16:29:00.001-07:00

So this past week, i've been looking for a dating handbook to help me survive my current dating predicament and think I finally found one.

Builders and Wreckers

2008-08-18T12:08:00.000-07:00

Today I would like to make an apology. As I reflect upon past experiences there are some I would like to change. Today I will discuss one of them; which is at the top of my list. Ah, when I was a senior in high school I needed another easy class, so I said, “medal shop what the heck.” This was an interesting class, full of all the Carhartt kids who talked non-stop about their “truck.” In this class there was a poor misfit of a kid they nicknamed, “Spanky.” Now I never made fun of him, but doesn’t mean I was not guilty. Well, you see by my senior year, I don’t want to brag, but I was considered by most as a “cool kid,” and for the most part, I was higher up on the social ladder then the Carhartt kids. Therefore, I could have easily (I think easily) put a stop to this hazing or at least tried. I could have stood up for this poor kid, but I didn’t I stood by and watched it happen. Every once and a blue moon, when I reflect upon that class, I think to myself, “whatever happened to that poor kid?” I wonder if I would have stood up for him, would things be any better for the kid?

Kids, I am also guilty of making fun of people as well. I am very creative and have been known to “cut people low.” As a young lad, as I would make fun of people, my father would say, “Mitch are you being a builder or a wreaker.” Therefore, my faithful blog readers, we as individuals greatly impact the self-worth and self concept of those around us!

(I leave you with a poem, I think it sums it all up nicely.)

I watched them tearing a building down,
A gang of men in a busy town.
With a ho, heave, ho and a lusty yell
They swung a beam and a side wall fell.

I asked foreman, “Are these men skilled?
Like the men you’d hire if you had to build?”
He laughed as he replied, “No, indeed,
Just common labor is all I need.

I can easily wreck in a day or two
What builders have taken years to do.”
I asked myself as I went on my way
Which of these roles have I tried to play?

Am I a builder who works with care,
Measuring life by rule and square?
Or am I a wrecker who walks the town
Content with the labor of tearing down?

How to get a Phat Summer Jizzob

2008-08-16T13:10:00.000-07:00

Retro Post 2004 Guest Writer "Rob to the Bob"

I hadn't had a real job since last summer, a year ago. I wouldn't really call that work either, unless you consider surfing the Jersey shore, cruising Washington Blvd. in Philly and bouncin around NYC, or being a High Roller in The A.C.(Atlantic City) a job. So I check out the job ads and I spy a window washing job, sounds prestigious. Fourth day on the job, at the first house, I'm walking into the garage and I swing my hand back and realized that is where I hold my window scraper. A window scraper is a razor blade about five inches long used to remove tape from windows. (This is true, Rob is really clumsy.) I pulled up my hand real quick just to see a two inch long slit (which widened about two inches as well) in my hand between my wrist and thumb. Then blood started gushing out like Ivan Drago's face when Rocky draws first over in Mother Russia. I threw a towel on it and yelled at the other guys I was working with. They tried to wipe up the real quick (luckily it was in the garage), grabbed the check and rushed me to the hospital. I ended up slicing my tendon, the nurse even showed me the bone in my hand after she cleaned up the mess, yeah, I almost passed out. I scored four stitches on my tendon and nine to seal up the slice. But that isn’t the best part, the best part, and this is the...”I'm out of work for like two months on workers comp.” Yeah, I can't swim or pick my nose with my left thumb (it's in a splint cast thingamajig). Who really cares? I get my summer paid for while I try to figure out how to beat Ninja Gaiden without a very important left thumb. It's been off the hook, so my advice is...have fun working all summer suckers!

Laser Show of all Laser Shows

2008-08-13T19:19:00.000-07:00

What people don’t understand are the amazing events that Eastern Washington and the Columbia Basin has to offer. It boggles my mind that so many people leave this place and never come back (Ex. Golden). One of the hottest attractions of the great Northwest is the Laser Light Show at Grand Coulee Dam! I have been fortunate enough to see this show a dozen times and just like a favorite movie it doesn’t get old.
Imagine this, you’re looking at one of the largest dams in the world, laser beams shooting everywhere, and you’re surrounded by old people, I mean really old people. That’s how it feels to be a part of this legendary 37 minute futuristic laser show. This show is 20 years old and has stood the test of time, if the only channel you watch is TV Land. The 8-big Nintendo graphics are amazing, at any time your thinking to yourself, “When is Mario going to save the princes.”
Now there are a few things that perturb me about this dam propaganda show. The cleaver creators of the show said to themselves, "Let’s have the Columbia River talk in first person so it feels like the water is actually talking!” what a brilliant idea! The show starts with a thundering voice exclaiming, "I am the great Columbia" and then goes on and on about how awesome of river he is; personally I think he is kind of cocky. It’s kind of annoying to hear him brag to all these old people how powerful he is. He has short man syndrome, and he will always be number two to the Mississippi. Last time I checked kids were spelling his name to prove their spelling skills to others, like they do with the Mississippi, or have you ever heard someone say, “This side of the Columbia?” Me either.
But they do know who to end this laser beam spectacular with a bang! In the final minutes they call in the legend Neil Diamond singing, "Were Coming to America," which is the best way to end any laser show. As the music plays laser graphics with red, white and blue stars fly crazy all over the dam, its times like that, that me proud to be an American.
So, the next time you are in the Great Northwest head up to the dam and enjoy the show. You haven’t lived till you experienced the "LASER LIGHT SHOW"!

Ode to the DMV

2008-08-12T21:30:00.000-07:00

Well each summer, I get to spend a little a time at a place we all hate to go almost as bad as the dentist. There are a few places we all hate going. For example, growing up we all dreaded going to that one Uncle/Aunt’s house that was super boring! You know the house; everything is in order, no video games, and a terrible movie selection ex. “Butter Cream Gang,” “On Our Own,” and the movie that you watched every time you went there, “Homeward Bound.” (If you just read that and said to yourself, "I never did that," bad news it was your house.) We’ll there is also another place we all hate going a little place called the Department of Motor Vehicles. Let me point out a few things about this place.
First of all it’s so slow! Might as well bring a book cuz your going to be there a while. Competition always improves efficiency, and well they are the only place in town you can go to. These workers should get paid by how people they can get through, and not by the hour or even worse salary.
Second, Can we get a TV!!! Maybe a little ESPN as we wait! I am paying 30% of the money I make to taxes, and we can’t get a TV in there, sweet Moses. I mean at least when you go to any doctor office they have books, and magazines. Les Schwab has pop corn. Here alls they got are crappy motor vehicle safety pamphlets.
Lastly, is there a sign outside that says, “Please leave your common sense at the door.”? One reason it’s so slow is the all*stars cast of people that go there. Today I watched a guy take 10 minutes on the eye test. Is the light inside or outside the box, this isn’t organic chemistry. As a spectator many times I have had to put a hold on my people watching, because they make me so flustered; now I know what it feels like to be a Cubs fan. (Sorry for the sports reference, ah, the Cubs haven’t won a World Series for like 100 years, and Steve Bartman hasn’t helped their cause.)
But, these travesties have not kept me from having fun; my A.D.D. has kicked in and I have invented my own fun. Many times I have to come with 15 of my Japanese kids so they can get their license. As we come in, I go to the “Take a Number”machine (half the people takes them 30 seconds to even find it. (no lie)), and I give them all a ticket and have them sit down. Then I find a chair that is in perfect view of the “Take a Number” machine; and wait. I wait for the next poor soul who comes into the DMV to take their number. The look on their face, when they see the number on their own ticket and the number that the DMV is “now serving” is priceless. You’d be surprised at the amount of people that talk to themselves, if you ever play this game, I suggest you don’t play with children near by or they may pick up a few new vocabulary words.

"These Are a Few of My Favorite Things"

2008-08-07T11:09:00.000-07:00

Well, it is summer and it just happens to be my favorite season of the year, I am much like a fancy calculator, I run on solar power energy. Summer time is a magical time of the year, the kids are out of school and more importantly I am out of school. It’s a time to kick back, relax, be outside and do outdoorsy stuff. In today’s blog I am going to tell you about a few of my favorite summer time actives, I hope next time you are bored and can’t think of something to do this blog post will inspire you to go out and have fun.

Swimming: Its classic, been around since the beginning of time, you can swim in a lake, pond, river, pool (as long as it’s not an above ground pool cuz those are lame.) Nothing like a nice little picnic and a day at the water park,” If we were one of the greatest generals in history, and we were stranded in San Dimas for one day, where would we go? Water Loop.”(Name the Movie.) Also, anyone who knows me knows I love boating, tube wars; fighting off the other tubers, and your life as you are being drug every which way throughout the lake. Wakeboarding and knee boarding are kind of what I live for. 2/3 of this world is water so enjoy it!

Campfires: Nothing better than sitting around a campfire telling stories and making fun of one another and end up smelling like beef jerky. Our society is so dependent on the media for entertainment; we forget we can entertain each other. I love the peacefulness, sneaking away from society and relaxing by a fire. Tastey Tinfoil dinners, S'mores, and hot dogs are always nice to have too.

Croquet: Kind of like Golf, but better. Invented in the 1800’s and in 1900 it was an actual Olympic event surprised you didn’t know that. Not going to lie, but I got mad skills, you can’t stop me only hope to contain me. What a great game, anyone can play a great family game. Please read the rules and regulations cuz it is really annoying to play the wrong way. Did you know… the term Rover ball is a ball that has run all twelve hoops and can be pegged out? Neither did I.

Shooting Guns: Guns don’t kill people, crazy people kill people. A lot of people don’t know this but I have my shotgun merit badge, I am so good my shooting nickname is, “The General.” The adrenaline you get when you step up to that line, put that gun to your shoulder, say “pull,” then see the pigeon fly out and then pull the trigger dusting that bad boy, it’s a lot like walking through The Magic Kingdom at Disney World. It’s a great activity to shoot a few guns, bust one another’s chops.

To end this post I would like to leave you with the summer time anthem.

Music Review Vol.2

2008-08-06T00:41:00.000-07:00

Well folks do I have an amazing band for you. “We Shot The Moon,” just solid as can be. If you love Indie, Piano Rock like I do, then you’ll jump on the band wagon for sure. Jonathan Jones (In the Pic. with me.) is the former lead singer of “Waking Ashland,” Who I enjoyed for years; has picked up a new cast and told me personally (inside information you can’t get no where else) that they are going to be way better then Walking Ashland ever was. Currently they only have one CD out, “The Polar Bear and Cougar;” but it is very tasty. And in 2008 they’re coming out with another CD so you’ll want to put that on your calendar.
Click here to Check out there Myspace page.
“Sway Your Head” and “Waters Edge” are two of my favorites. They are touring the Western States so you may want to go check’em out

Ode to the Fanny Pack

2008-07-31T10:53:00.000-07:00

For you kids who know who I am (Mitchell Mark), know I have never been one to follow social norms. I believe most of the unwritten rules our society has created are flat out wrong and impede us from real happiness. Today I will attempt to tackle one of these norms.

Let me explain an annoyance that I have to deal with on a daily basis. I carry around a lot of stuff, a cell phone, wallet, IPod (I have a big gig hard drive plus a case so it looks like the first version), keys, and Chap Stick. The thing that sucks is I only have two front pockets to fit all of these items in. I look like a tennis player with tennis balls in his pockets, and this is also very uncomfortable to say the least.

The fanny pack would simply solve this problem, I could neatly place these items the fanny pack. But one of these unwritten rules in our society says that, "it is not socially acceptable to wear the fanny pack." But I ask why? Not only would I be more comfortable, but I would no longer have to worry about someone trying to pick my pocket me; everything would be securely zipped in my pack.

We as a society must evolve, like the kangaroo. A Kangaroo had a great dilemma; their arms were too short to carry their young. So naturally they created a pouch, a natural fanny pack. No one told them that their fanny pack was uncool, or silly to have a well designed pouch that works perfect for carrying around there kids.

I just don't understand why wearing a bag around your hips is considered nerdy. I mean I would even rock the pack to side of my hip so I’ll look a little cooler, kind of like someone who wears their baseball hat to side. People are walking around all day with ear thingys, come on your telling me they can play Star Trek make believe all day and I can’t wear a Fanny Pack. Could some please give me a logical reason why I can't rock the fanny pack. Mr. Logic you got anything for me?

Competitive People

2008-07-28T11:24:00.000-07:00

So anyone how knows me (Mitchell Mark), knows that I am pretty competitive, I just don’t enjoy losing so much. I don’t know how it can be an enjoyable experience; I mean do you smile when playing video games and the screen says, “Game Over.” If you do then you’re a loser.

Many of us competitive people take a bad rep. because those who believe, “it doesn’t matter if you win or lose; it’s how you play the game,” yeah those people, think we competitive people can be rude or not nice about winning and losing. Well kids if you look up that quote it is by anonymous, because Mr. or Mrs. Anonymous is a big loser. Yeah, lets put that statement into real life; how would you feel if you had to have surgery and the doctor said, “It doesn’t matter if you live or die, as long as I cut good.” Our nation wasn’t founded on this idea either. What if good ole George Washington said, “It doesn’t matter if we win or lose but as long as we fight well.” I think if he did, we would still be paying 50% of our money to King Henry and we would all play soccer out on a pitch.

Oh, “losing isn’t fun,” so many want to eliminate losing all together. We shouldn’t have winners and losers, our kids are all winners. Let’s get rid of score boards and booing, only cheering. Oh, another great idea, “Everyone gets a Trophy.” This no losing atmosphere that we are teaching the kids is a great way teach them about real life. I mean everyone, gets accepted to school, the new job, the nice house. Nobody loses; yeah about that. Everyone knows how to win, but do they know how to deal with losing?

Some of the most competitive people I know are some of the most successful. But, if you don’t enjoy competition here are a few fields that aren’t competitive janitors, Wal*Mart workers, fast-food people, and carnies. I wonder why these fields are not competitive…