"Summer Time Girls are The Kind I like"

As the wise Glenn Frey once said, "The Heat is On," beware or, this extreme summer heat is going to getcha. But, readers do not fear, today I have the medicine to combat heatstroke. A little thing called The Popsicle. Now what you kids don't know is, there are many different types of Popsicles and with the economy in shambles, it is now more important than ever to be buying the right type of Popsicles for you. Therefore let us now take a virtual tour down the frozen food section:

The O.G. Popsicle: Also known as "The Basic Two Stick"

This Popsicle has been around for ages. It's as classic as the "Trans AM." With flavors like, "the red kind," "light blue," and my favorite root beer, their is no wonder why this Popsicle is such a crowd pleaser. Another great advantage is because it has double sticks, with a square counter top this Popsicle easily goes from right into two. At times these Popsicles have hilarious jokes written on them. For example, "How did the soldier fit his tank in his house?"...The answer, "It was a fish tank." Why wouldn't you want material like that in your stash of jokes. Another great reason why this has been so successful over the years is because they are soo cheap. You can feed a small village for under 10 bucks. A must have for any family that buys Western Family.

The High Roller Popsicle: "Slow Melt Fantastic Fruity™"

Hey all you fancy pants Popsicle lovers, "This bud, I mean this Popsicle's for you." These Slow Melts tend to be a bit more flavorful then other Popsicles, but that extra flavor is gonna cost a pretty penny. But, there is a draw back to the Slow Melt; the wrapper. They use a paper wrapper and the paper taste can bleed into the sicle which makes it taste funny. Also the paper can get frozen to the Popsicle and you got a better chance of getting those dang DVD security stickers off than getting the paper off your poor freezer burned sicle. But overall the Slow Melt is a solid treat.


The Rainbow Popsicle: Soooo Super!

This mega Popsicle is not for the weak hearted. If you take a stroll through the park with a Rainbow pop, people know you mean business. Got more flavors than a packet of Macaroni. I am not even sure you can buy this at the store, I think they only sell these bad boys on the streets from a dealer (The Ice Cream Man.) The Rainbow costs a few Washingtons, but believe you me its well worth it. A nice Rainbow pop and a nap is a wonder way to spend an afternoon.




The Otter Pop: cousin to the popsicle

OK, I know that the Otter pop is not an official Popsicle, but to exclude the Otter Pop from our list would be like excluding the Drummer of Def Leppard from the list of famous one armed drummers. These are so delicious, I would even sneak into my neighbours house to have one. And sneak in I did. So many delicious flavors, grape is one of my favs, it reminds me of Dimetapp Cough Syrup which I loved as a kid. I have been known to fake sick just to get some and also, stay home from school for the day. Now there is one obvious flaw to the Otter Pop; opening it up. The first way AKA "the normal way," first: walk to the cupboard, second: get some scissors out of the cupboard, and lastly: cut the top off of the Otter Pop. Well because, I am to lazy to do it "the normal way." I have my own way, The Ozzy way. just bit the top off and enjoy. I also enjoy smashing the pop on the counter so its a little more slushy seems to be a bit more softer and taste a little better. Kids a friendly reminder: ensure that you throw away your plastic wrappers. If your mom finds too many wrappers around she'll threaten to never buy them again.

There ya go kids, I hope enjoyed the list, but more importantly I hope you enjoy a few delicious Popsicles this summer.