Siamese Twins: "Positive Reinforcement" by Golden

Saturday, May 9, 2009

"Positive Reinforcement" by Golden

In this cruel, competitive world, it’s difficult to maintain self-confidence when every single day you are evaluated and judged by arbitrary standards, values socially constructed for self-serving interests, ever-changing criteria over which, if you are lucky enough to even know they exist, you have no control. Conformity, etiquette, fashion, productivity, intelligence, talent, experience, beauty. There are a million different ways to be defined as deficient or defective, and there seems to be no shortage of critics. Thank God for eBay.

No, I’m not talking about Item # Z27038431867, the Wiccan Self-Confidence Earrings enchanted during the appropriate lunar phase to bestow upon their users the power of self-esteem. I had something more free in mind – eBay feedback! It’s a wonderful, yet neglected source of inspiration. Nowhere else can you can you be so highly praised for clicking a button. When I’m feeling down, I log on, sign in, and read all the nice things people have to say about me. “Great Buyer!” “Quick Payer!!!” “Outstanding Communicator!” I never tire of seeing A++++++++, no matter how inflated the grade has become. I read my buyer feedback over and over, and the uplifting effect never wears off or out. When no one else will, complete strangers accept me for who I am and tell me I’m good at something.

If you need self-confidence and a better self-image, check your buyer history on eBay. It will give you what you deserve. No constructive criticism, no tough love. Just good old fashioned positive reinforcement. And if you don’t have any? Please visit my eBay store to purchase Item # Z429967013348 – INSPIRING eBAY FEEDBACK. “Buy It Now” price is $4.99. Shipping is free.

3 Hey Oh's:

Cassidy said...: haha. I could do with some.; May 9, 2009 10:25 PM
Mitchell Mark said...: Dude I am really enjoying your posts! This one very creative! It’s wonderful, good laughs, serious people write the nicest stuff about you if they get their money or stuff.; May 10, 2009 6:18 PM
Neighbor Jane Payne said...: Oh ho, you pegged me with this one. Golden, I love your perception and personality.

(Now I've got a bet with myself how many times you'll read this post comment.)

Keep writing. Keep writing.; May 15, 2009 5:57 PM

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About the Authors

Mitch (by Golden)
If an idle mind is the devil’s workshop, then the mind of Mitch when I first met him was the devil’s Home Depot. He was that idle. Mitch always had things that I never had, things like basketball skills, friends, and most notably, free time. On any given summer afternoon as a kid I could be found chained to a shovel in the furthest field, while Mitch, that lucky sun of a gun, could be found boating, playing pickle ball, or napping in the sunny warmth of a car. I was always so envious.

Understandably scared for their son’s future, Mitch’s parents moved to my neighborhood (which on the farm meant he lived within a five-mile radius). Soon he was working alongside me in the fields, learning the vocation of farming. Mitch never took to the farming, or even to work for that matter. Most of his work had to be immediately redone. But he sure made a great friend. I was probably the worst friend in history. I was a buck-toothed kid, ashamedly unfashionable (and for the record I did not cut my hair, my mother did), with no entertainment systems to speak of. And all he ever did at my house was work (or pretend to). I really don’t understand why he kept coming back.

And come back he did. Mitch became an honorary member of the family, and frankly, a better member of the family. He’s been to more of my family reunions than I have, and I’m told he still stops by to hang out with my parents. Despite, his close proximity to our family, Mitch remained surprisingly resistant to our innate backwardness. He was always popular at school, and he could always get a laugh. His teachers always loved him. Freak, my teachers always loved him (he spent more time in my classes probably than his own).

In high school Mitch continued to take it easy, and continued to turn in my essays. He also excelled at all the things I never could, snowboarding, wakeboarding, all different kinds of boarding. This trend continued on through college in Hawaii, where he mastered an entirely new kind of boarding. Sadly, Mitch did not learn another type when he completed his Master’s degree in Communications. He now teaches at a community college.

The truth of the matter is, Mitch was never lazy. His was a battle of a different sort. You see, Mitch was constantly engaged in the long struggle against my social ineptitude. Heaven knows it’s been tough. I owe him my life (not physical, the other one). He brought me the world of Weezer, Wayne’s World, and womenfolk. He’s been my best friend for almost two decades now and he’s never steered me wrong. Okay, well only a few times.

Golden (by Mitch)
Way Back in 1991, my family moved out to the country, I was suddenly a city boy forced into country living. One of the first people I met was a kid named Golden and his dog. (He reminded me of the young kid from Old Yeller.) He was a farm boy who appeared to have not showered in weeks with a hair cut I think he cut himself. Due to lack of people in the neighborhood I decided to befriend this hillbilly.

So we became friends, he taught me all about farming how to change a siphon tube and the cool ponds to swim in. I taught him about more important things such as video games like battle toads we loved playing that game until we had to go change water, changing water was fun for the first two days then I understood why Golden hated it. I also introduced him to some sweet music, and later on girls. Yes, when we turned 14 and we’re finally were able to attend the big church dances. I was very excited because I had a crush on at least three girls who were attending these dances, but with Golden I had my work cut out for me. From the ages of 14 to about 16 and half, you could find Golden in the foyer lobby of the dance sleeping or complaining to anyone who would listen about how his parents forced him to another “Lame dance.”

We were never in the same school classes, I was always in dumb people classes and he was always in nerdy Nova and advanced whatever you call it classes. He got straight A’s; he once even helped me with a Scarlet Letter essay. I never really read it, but I got an A- so the teacher must have liked it. Being Joe cool our senior year he became the fancy president of the school. I was proud to be his right hand man, assisting him anyway I could, hula hoop dances, assemblies, and the like. He graduated in the top then and I snuck through a few hoops and survived.

We both went on missions, he then went off to the Land of Lithuania and it sounded rough. He then came back went off to some Ivy School Columbia. When I first heard about it, I thought it was in country of Columbia and not NYC. So he went back east and has now turned into an East coast city folk. He has a job over there doing paper work all day or something.
Golden is probably my best friend in the whole wide world. He is probably the coolest kat I’ve ever met in my life. He has spent that last 15 years of his life keeping my out of trouble. If it wasn't for Golden I would probably be a Meth-head, working at a roller skating rink.

Siamese Twins

Saturday, May 9, 2009

"Positive Reinforcement" by Golden

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Siamese Twins

Saturday, May 9, 2009

"Positive Reinforcement" by Golden

3 Hey Oh's:

About the Authors

New to The Blog? Here are a Few Readers Most Favorites

Subscribe To Our Blog

My Fab Five iTunes

Blog Archive

About the Authors