Siamese Twins: Grocery Store Grazing

Monday, January 12, 2009

Grocery Store Grazing

I consider myself a pretty good grocery shopper, I find the deals, I'll buy 15 snack packs to get two free. But, I am sad to say growing up I did dishonest things, like sneaking Mountain Dews (Expenses pop) into my Safeway Select (Generic pop) 24 pack to save three bucks.

Well, today I would like to talk about my grazing habits. As I walk around the store and go by the gummy candy bins you fill personally in a bag; I take a few to eat as I do my shopping. It is much like the Costco free samples, it just doesn't have the nice old Costco lady with the hair net standing by it. When I am shopping with my mom she gets all fired up exclaming, "You better pay for that!" I think to myself, "I think safeway is going to be ok without a few gummy worms." I mean serious, is grazing really that bad?

3 Hey Oh's:

dirty>south said...: oh man, whenever I go to Costco and they have a really good sample, I'll send each of my kids over to go get another one and bring it back to me.

"That's right, old lady, I just scored 3 of your chicken taquitos! whatcha got???!!!"; January 12, 2009 9:37 PM
angie said...: i got caught shoplifting in 5th grade, and now feel like there is security always watching and don't ever dare eat anything in the grocery store. but maybe i'm just paranoid.; January 13, 2009 12:01 PM
Robert Neil said...: sometimes I like to go healthy with my grazing with an apple or maybe a nectarine; January 18, 2009 8:22 AM

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About the Authors

Mitch (by Golden)
If an idle mind is the devil’s workshop, then the mind of Mitch when I first met him was the devil’s Home Depot. He was that idle. Mitch always had things that I never had, things like basketball skills, friends, and most notably, free time. On any given summer afternoon as a kid I could be found chained to a shovel in the furthest field, while Mitch, that lucky sun of a gun, could be found boating, playing pickle ball, or napping in the sunny warmth of a car. I was always so envious.

Understandably scared for their son’s future, Mitch’s parents moved to my neighborhood (which on the farm meant he lived within a five-mile radius). Soon he was working alongside me in the fields, learning the vocation of farming. Mitch never took to the farming, or even to work for that matter. Most of his work had to be immediately redone. But he sure made a great friend. I was probably the worst friend in history. I was a buck-toothed kid, ashamedly unfashionable (and for the record I did not cut my hair, my mother did), with no entertainment systems to speak of. And all he ever did at my house was work (or pretend to). I really don’t understand why he kept coming back.

And come back he did. Mitch became an honorary member of the family, and frankly, a better member of the family. He’s been to more of my family reunions than I have, and I’m told he still stops by to hang out with my parents. Despite, his close proximity to our family, Mitch remained surprisingly resistant to our innate backwardness. He was always popular at school, and he could always get a laugh. His teachers always loved him. Freak, my teachers always loved him (he spent more time in my classes probably than his own).

In high school Mitch continued to take it easy, and continued to turn in my essays. He also excelled at all the things I never could, snowboarding, wakeboarding, all different kinds of boarding. This trend continued on through college in Hawaii, where he mastered an entirely new kind of boarding. Sadly, Mitch did not learn another type when he completed his Master’s degree in Communications. He now teaches at a community college.

The truth of the matter is, Mitch was never lazy. His was a battle of a different sort. You see, Mitch was constantly engaged in the long struggle against my social ineptitude. Heaven knows it’s been tough. I owe him my life (not physical, the other one). He brought me the world of Weezer, Wayne’s World, and womenfolk. He’s been my best friend for almost two decades now and he’s never steered me wrong. Okay, well only a few times.

Golden (by Mitch)
Way Back in 1991, my family moved out to the country, I was suddenly a city boy forced into country living. One of the first people I met was a kid named Golden and his dog. (He reminded me of the young kid from Old Yeller.) He was a farm boy who appeared to have not showered in weeks with a hair cut I think he cut himself. Due to lack of people in the neighborhood I decided to befriend this hillbilly.

So we became friends, he taught me all about farming how to change a siphon tube and the cool ponds to swim in. I taught him about more important things such as video games like battle toads we loved playing that game until we had to go change water, changing water was fun for the first two days then I understood why Golden hated it. I also introduced him to some sweet music, and later on girls. Yes, when we turned 14 and we’re finally were able to attend the big church dances. I was very excited because I had a crush on at least three girls who were attending these dances, but with Golden I had my work cut out for me. From the ages of 14 to about 16 and half, you could find Golden in the foyer lobby of the dance sleeping or complaining to anyone who would listen about how his parents forced him to another “Lame dance.”

We were never in the same school classes, I was always in dumb people classes and he was always in nerdy Nova and advanced whatever you call it classes. He got straight A’s; he once even helped me with a Scarlet Letter essay. I never really read it, but I got an A- so the teacher must have liked it. Being Joe cool our senior year he became the fancy president of the school. I was proud to be his right hand man, assisting him anyway I could, hula hoop dances, assemblies, and the like. He graduated in the top then and I snuck through a few hoops and survived.

We both went on missions, he then went off to the Land of Lithuania and it sounded rough. He then came back went off to some Ivy School Columbia. When I first heard about it, I thought it was in country of Columbia and not NYC. So he went back east and has now turned into an East coast city folk. He has a job over there doing paper work all day or something.
Golden is probably my best friend in the whole wide world. He is probably the coolest kat I’ve ever met in my life. He has spent that last 15 years of his life keeping my out of trouble. If it wasn't for Golden I would probably be a Meth-head, working at a roller skating rink.

Siamese Twins

Monday, January 12, 2009

Grocery Store Grazing

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Siamese Twins

Monday, January 12, 2009

Grocery Store Grazing

3 Hey Oh's:

About the Authors

New to The Blog? Here are a Few Readers Most Favorites

Subscribe To Our Blog

My Fab Five iTunes

Blog Archive

About the Authors