Ode to the Fanny Pack

For you kids who know who I am (Mitchell Mark), know I have never been one to follow social norms. I believe most of the unwritten rules our society has created are flat out wrong and impede us from real happiness. Today I will attempt to tackle one of these norms.

Let me explain an annoyance that I have to deal with on a daily basis. I carry around a lot of stuff, a cell phone, wallet, IPod (I have a big gig hard drive plus a case so it looks like the first version), keys, and Chap Stick. The thing that sucks is I only have two front pockets to fit all of these items in. I look like a tennis player with tennis balls in his pockets, and this is also very uncomfortable to say the least.

The fanny pack would simply solve this problem, I could neatly place these items the fanny pack. But one of these unwritten rules in our society says that, "it is not socially acceptable to wear the fanny pack." But I ask why? Not only would I be more comfortable, but I would no longer have to worry about someone trying to pick my pocket me; everything would be securely zipped in my pack.

We as a society must evolve, like the kangaroo. A Kangaroo had a great dilemma; their arms were too short to carry their young. So naturally they created a pouch, a natural fanny pack. No one told them that their fanny pack was uncool, or silly to have a well designed pouch that works perfect for carrying around there kids.

I just don't understand why wearing a bag around your hips is considered nerdy. I mean I would even rock the pack to side of my hip so I’ll look a little cooler, kind of like someone who wears their baseball hat to side. People are walking around all day with ear thingys, come on your telling me they can play Star Trek make believe all day and I can’t wear a Fanny Pack. Could some please give me a logical reason why I can't rock the fanny pack. Mr. Logic you got anything for me?