The Poster Child for the Resource Room

Written By Golden & Mitchell Mark

Now for you straight "A" students in Elementary/ Jr./ & High School you probably have no idea what or where the Resource Room is or was. Well, the resource room is for those students who didn't excel (basically students who can't keep up with the normal curriculum, mostly full of white-trash/ English as a 2nd language and trouble makers.) Now when I was in 2nd grade I took a test and found out I had some type of learning disability. They told me (Mitchell Mark), "We've got nice class for you it's tucked away in the corner of the school and they'll help you out." I was like cool! Now I know what you're thinking, "Oh that is too bad that you had to go to the Resource Room. If only you would have tried harder maybe you wouldn't have had to go." Oh, how wrong you are my friends. You want to know why they called it the Resource Room? Because, we special kids were resourceful. Not only did we manipulate our teachers to get privileges you smart kids never got, but you can't even begin to imagine all the trouble we spelled with glue, paper, and the like. Yes, I remember it would be like 10:45 "Ok it's time for Mitch and Joseph to go…" Then everyone would look at me and be I'm so sorry, like my dog just died. Oh average student, if you only knew where we went, you would be flunking math just to get into the Resource Room. Oh yes!!!! Now I know you're like "wow really", let me just tell you smarty pants, Spelling Bee pro's, why the Resource Room was the funnest place in the school outside of having "lunch room duty."

Reason #1: Our teachers, these ladies were probably the nicest ladies ever! They knew that they had the dumbest kids in school on their hands so if they could just keep them happy for an hour their job was done.

Reason #2: Ok, just imagine this, you take the four craziest, nuttiest, most hyper-hyperactive kids out of each class and put them together in one room. It's kinda like on Captain Planet when all the dorky kids combine their silly rings together, they create Captain Planet. Well it's like that but what you create is a room of chaos, insanity and non-stop jokes. Some of the funniest stuff I have ever heard came from the Resource Room; some of the material I use today comes from that hallowed place.

Reason #3: Now, this last reason I don't even know if I can reveal it. (I feel like a magician explaining the cutting a person in half trick.) It goes against the Resource Room code of ethics, which by all standards meant "what happens in the resource room stays in the resource room." Nobody was to explain to others of the fun we had, for fear of over-swelling the ranks, and forcing us to share. But I will tell you, fully accepting the risk that those white-trash kids who are now criminals will probably kill me (but really just for the two dollars in my pocket). You need to know what you were missing out on. Brace yourself for this…every Friday was free day! Think about it, it was like a Last-Day-Of-School party every Friday. So when you were over in your normal class slaving away on word problems about apples and oranges, I was playing computer games and eating microwave popcorn off a paper towel! Oh yes, I remember my killer high kicks on that sweet karate game and killing unlimited buffalo on the plentiful plains of The Oregon Trail! While you were respectfully raising your hand to use the bathroom, we were fighting over the Frogger floppy disk, and I mean physically. It was so rad. And the best part came near holidays. Forget about cutting snowflakes and making feather headdresses out of colored construction paper. We just watched movies.

Yup! Man, it was the life, sometimes I wish I could go back. I just hope my children are smart enough to get signed up for the Resource Room.